Dreaming, rituals and values

Dreaming the journey into the mystery

This blog post, like many others, contains deep inner spiritual work, and I am unapologetic in taking further responsibility of my personal growth and connection to the wider web of life.  Which may offend others' modern sensibilities or current belief systems.

As a long-term interest of mine and fulfilling what I feel and interpret as a destiny maybe as a healer or spiritual enquirer, and to separate from my full-time work.  I am keeping busy with exploring my inner universe and deepen my connection to the wider web of life.  I find the power of setting boundaries and focusing on non-work related goals is inspiring and empowering.  This deeper exploration was a goal I set back in January 2022 as part of the 21 Gratitudes lesson theme 'Living Life On Purpose', in the 'Live New Year refuge Class Special'.  Inner work that I feel many of us avoid or don't know how to handle - which I feel leads us into one of the global messes we are in today; detached from our spiritual selves.  I'm open and willing to dive deeper into my being to truly be the best version of myself.

I thought the previous blog posts on this topic ('The calling, awakening and initiation' and 'Love, lessons and meaning from Agatha' and 'Hold the man') were going to happen imminently, but I now feel they were planting the seeds and foundations of what is to come - the new dreams I have longed talked about coming into fruition.  2023 looks to be another year of significant growth.  And I think this area is where the healing and developing and utilising my abilities in vulnerability, empathy and intuition will all be woven together.  A higher purpose that I have long been trying to understand.  It's time to connect and experience more of this great mystery.

Whilst I practice Movement Medicine quite flexibly, work and life is often in the way.  Now that I am in the process of finishing off other full-time work-related projects.  And hopefully securing a full-time work promotional opportunity in my current workplace.  That completes the professional goals I mentioned in the 'Agatha' blog post above.  To which I have devoted the first half of my life to my full-time career, to get me where I am going next - a mission done.  Once settled I will have made space and capacity to take in more of Movement Medicine and maybe other shamanic practices to solidify my practice.  In a world that is highly information-based, noisy, politically dangerous and full of egotistic, self-righteous and competitive behaviours, everyone tripping over themselves to be seen and heard.  This work enables me to bring myself back into my body and find a place of inner peace and obtain clarity.

I can see how all the dots have connect over the last few years leading into this space of work.  And not all in one go, but incremental - drip-feeding over the years.  It's funny how some things you don't see at the time, and that are close/obvious, but reveal themselves at a time when is most convenient.  Like how I found the Centre for Shamanic Arts in Derbyshire (30 mins away from me).  I'm sure I looked at shamanic things nearby a long while back and this didn't come up, but it has now I am developing in this area.  I'm also now in various groups and know individuals in this work to ask questions and get further involved.  Imagine if I did come across all of this at the beginning of my journey in this space, it would have been overwhelming or overlooked, so I can see the 'universe logic' in it, if there is such mysterious choreography - which I do strongly believe in.  Anyway, in the immediate past and when I was younger I had different priorities and circumstances and needed to live and experience more before heading here.

I've not submerged myself, but allowed my self to naturally engage and grow my curiosity in between full-time work and personal life.  I need to remember to be patient with myself and allow myself to not know things in order to learn.  This also requires a lot of unlearning from this industrious and transactional world.  I've trusted my engagement, incremental with the odd stride, not forcing it, which has worked so far, and the sudden bursts of interest in topics with Movement Medicine.  Creating intentions and making small steps is key here.  Imagine if I literally pushed myself in that direction it would have felt forced and unnatural = not being engaged.  Though I often get stressed out by overthinking what intentions and goals are to be made!  I notice I have been keen to participate in-person and on the land experiences, and have done a couple now, not so much to address a problem or dive deep.  But to get a better understanding of the traditional shamanic-type practices and I guess figure out if this side of it is for me - part of the wider healing purpose discovery.  I feel I am inspired more for Movement Medicine; dancing and embodiment, getting lost in it and connecting on mine or larger dancefloors.  But I won't rule out from attending in-person and on land experiences again, such as sweat lodges.  As there is a need for them, just not as often.

My intention is to fill more of my spare time with my spiritual interests so that I don't fill this with full-time work things.  I love my full-time work career, I've put a lot of heart, soul and energy into that, and rightly deserves some attention, but now is the time to relax the full-time career immersion a bit.  I've other purposes identified that deserve this.  Therefore, I don't just want to be known for my full-time work.  Interesting that when you set your intentions and dreams, things happen - my much loved Law of Attraction; ask, conceive, believe, receive.  As I said in the 'Calling...' blog post above; "I'm not trying to pigeonhole myself in something because I am lost and need to be found (nothing wrong with that if you are - been there many times) or looking to something 'bigger' for an answer - as all answers are within us if we open our minds and hearts and listen and connect through ourselves." I want to honor and develop the natural interest and gifts in this space.  And I'm really intrigued by the philosophy of shamanism.  I'm starting to think more critically about integrating it.  It's a call I want to answer and is weaved in other areas as the rest of this blog post discusses.

I also feel it's part of 'growing up' and taking responsibility of myself, and I do so by being serious in developing my natural gifts.  It is also helping me to calm and separate my ego.  Blending my journey into being a healer/spiritual enquirer; connecting with my body, wider web of life, empathetic conversations sharing/using medicine and developing and utilising my intuition.  Weaving all of these together somehow.  I'm holding myself accountable to a long term interest and in the process clarifying my intentions.  What's that old saying, you're more inclined to do something you write it down?  And writing strongly helps me with clarity, focus and memory - which I say in 'Why openness is good'.  Plus, writing is part of my reflective process; digesting, consolidating and forming new directions and focus points.

I'm doing well in engaging with Movement Medicine and this mystical topic.  Though the hard hitting reality after coming back in to my day to day lifestyle is still quite a challenge - and so I need to keep aware of that and not stray too deep.  I now have the challenge of moving between both worlds; industrial and spiritual.  I'm still working towards my January 2022 goal of being more connected and visualised people as my support group - which came true in the 'Hold the man' blog post above.  I also need to realise that I can engage in shamanism through reading around the topic and not just through Movement Medicine.  But Movement Medicine is the sphere of this work for me.  And through this and other spaces I am now in those like-minded communities to widen my knowledge.  I've also been informally building a small group to do in-person/and on land Movement Medicine with and dreaming other plans to do more of this locally in my area.  But for the imminent future I will commit fully to the 21 Gratitudes Study Hub and practices there.  As well as complete the 21 Gratitude's Encounter Part 1 introductory course (which I started and parked in January in 2022).  I'm also open to the idea of teaching Movement Medicine, which there is a strange but strong sense of doing.  And keeping true shamanic practices as a way of release tensions and reinvigorate myself.  I may also explore doing Reiki at some point too.

I now find myself inspired and thinking and working within this ancient and ritual cycle.  The image was first shared with me by one of my Sons of the Sun brothers.

The Celtic Wheel from Mari Kennedy: https://www.thecelticwheel.com.

Rey from Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017):

"Something inside me has always been there.  Then I was awake and I need help..."  ..."I need someone to show me my place in all this."

At this point I feel it is important to ask myself why am I interested in Movement Medicine and to rationalise my approach, to avoid the 'hungry ghost' scenario.  I will also try to remain grounded to identifying what my spiritual needs are and ensuring I address them.  As you can easily find yourself going down a rabbit hole of this type of work, as a lot of this can easily resonate and be helpful.  So I need to establish boundaries with it, but remain flexible and open to what can be received - maybe see it as a continuum, with no specific end point.  Acting as principles or values to keep me grounded, below is what I came up with when thinking on the spot.  I'm sure these will change/develop as I progress.

1. To continue nurturing my interest in this subject and practice, by participating in related shamanic activities and reading
2. To answer and decipher 'a call' to engage and develop my sense of spiritual purpose
3. To live a more spiritual and fulfilling life that has potential to have a wider impact on the planet and our human existence
4. To identify a 'shamanic specialism', most likely Movement Medicine - and what is my medicine (healing through my experience of loneliness, rejection and being misunderstood)?
5. To maybe develop a second career in this space; facilitate, hold spaces or maybe eventually teach shamanic related topics

In terms of another shamanic-related specialism, an overarching focus I can take with this work is perhaps 'untaming the human'.  A separate topic, but there's a movement to decolonise system, processes, policies, curriculums, technology etc.  Well let's re-animal ourselves from others ideals and structures...  Food for thought:

"This[...]is the work of internal accountability.  We are cultivating within ourselves a transformative practice that helps us heal from what the world has been, while generating what the world will be.

 

We must become accountable to our time, our earth, our species, our people, and our loved ones, from the inside out."

 

"We live (and die) inside of systems that were imagined centuries ago by those ambitious and narrow minds of colonists and patriarchs.  We live inside the lineage of relatively ignorant imaginations, which were obsessed with protection and domination.  But we know so much more now.  We know each other’s pain and complexity now; we know we are one interconnected ecosystem - so far the only planetary development specifically like us."

By Adrienne Maree Brown 'Murmurations: Returning to the Whole'.

Brings a refreshing perspective through my interest, curiosity and engagement in such a diverse and thought-provoking topic.  I'm increasingly interested in enabling humans to embrace our animal sides through such work as 'How to Be Animal: A New History of What it Means to Be Human.'

Or, from the 'Calling...' blog post further above:

"A further thought, I'm now contemplating that this calling, awakening and initiation is not only for me, but may have a bigger role in my professionalism in digital education, as a way to bring back primal interconnectedness that we much need?  Am I being called upon to encourage and develop humanness through digital technology?  Developing ways we can better feel each others energies as we do in-person.  However, as we realise, digital technology cannot give us empathy, care, love etc, even though the extreme introverts might argue that. 😉  Anyway, at this embryonic stage its for me personally not work-related as I need a clear separation.  But who knows, maybe this might become a larger piece and I am certain that things I have learned and qualified in throughout my career will be useful in this space, e.g. a return to lifelong teaching and using my abilities to simplify complex information to make it more accessible."

Related - on 13 January 2023, I shared this on work socials on the current AI conversation:

Two current uppermost thoughts on the #ChatGPT conversation. 1) Where is the human sense of achievement of the thinking, agonising and doing of our own efforts in what it can do for us? 2) I still stand strong in my thoughts below from 2013: https://danielscott86.blogspot.com/2013/09/evolutionary-not-revolutionary.html

I'm glad to be focusing on my somatic work. Because we need it more than ever. Inner work that enhances the outer work.

Related to to this topic, on 29 January 2023, Lou Mycroft while I was on my way to Nottingham City centre to go shopping with my husband.  She shared her blog post 'Energy Work'.  She mentioned briefly about shamanism, to which got me even more engaged.  After reading I reached out to say:

"Just a quick one to say I enjoyed reading your new Joyful Practice piece on energy work.  1) who runs the woodland bathing?  Sounds right up my street.  2)  The shamanic talk got me thinking about the work I do in that space.  If it's something you are interested in I'd say incorporate it in your work/lifestyle.  To me it's not appropriating, the things I do teach you how to integrate in everyday life.  If you want to know more am happy to have a catch up about it."

Spiritual ritual-making

I hold a full-time role that demands a lot of my head space.  So I do take my Saturdays especially to rest, do nothing, unwind and do whatever occurs.  And give thought to how some learnings and resourcing can be applied throughout the following week.  I'm keen to create some spiritual rituals - well it's in the word I see.  In December 2021 I saw 'Six rituals to end the year in gratitude' by Being of the Earth (Petra Bongartz).  I thought this was a good way to create and embed these into my lifestyle.  But have not made any effort with these yet, but I will be this year.  Petra Bongartz also sends out Dandelion Dispatches, 'potent medicine for our times, planted in your inbox', which may end up being published on the Medium website.  Anyway, on the October 2022 mailing there was a section on generative ideas 'Creating your own mini retreat with a schedule of activities that nourish you and move you out of your daily routine'.  I could do Movement Medicine (and in the rain in my garden), nature walking, improvised vision quest, making a sacred space in garden and forest bathing.  I could make these ritual plans an annual event.  Like I used to do with those end of academic year summary blog posts, but on the intentions for year and journal my progress.  Also taking guidance from another Petra's Dandelion Dispatches 'A shift in perspective that puts power back into your own hands', specifically the "What do I want to practice and how can I be intentional about it?" section.  The 21 Gratitude's Encounter Part 1 online course also teaches you how to establish rituals.  So another reason to get on and complete it.

Identifying values

On 28 June and 4 July 2022, I volunteered as a coachee for my friend Lorna Taylor's life coaching programme she was studying towards.  She is now a qualified Self-Development and Wellness Coach.

We don't often get asked about our values, and I struggle to know what mine are beyond the obvious do good for good, self, friends, family etc.  So I found this process really helpful and aligned my spirit and intent in the process.  Life coaching is not just for those that have a problem or lost focus, but good to evaluate where you are in life and if you have a good balance and your values are intact and strong.  I lost my way with my values, and having done the work to identify them I feel I know a bit more about who I am and feel more grounded.  So I would highly recommend anyone to undertake it to self-evaluate.

Session 1:

• Clarity - we went through my coaching clarity form that I completed beforehand, then discussed it in the session.
• Wheel of life - clarifying areas of my life.  I was asked to draw a circle with 8 segments and had to state what I felt about them and give myself a rating 1 (not happy with) and 10 (fully satisfied): friends and family - 8 nice small circle and spend equal amount of time; significant other - 10 we're on same page and support each other; personal growth - 8 about me and understanding and aligning to my purpose; fun and leisure - 7 I can relax but don't have a significant hobby, or I do but just don't consider them as that; home environment -10 perfect and reflects me and has quiet places is tidy; career - 10 - brilliant , fulfilling my ambitions, except my values, not sure what mine are; money - 10 - great and get enough to do what I want to do in life, I don't overspend and manage it well; health - 10 great, no problems.

Personal development as a theme came out highly important - this is what my journey is about and is tied into the lifelong learner that I am.  We didn't spend too long on the activities as I scored high in most areas and I was just a practice person, but Lorna did go on to explain what she would do with her niche clients in certain parts.  I got what I needed which were the values, which I didn't know I needed and was missing.  It was also great to independently think and be put on spot about things and to have the opportunity to question my self and articulate who I am.

"So the areas of main interest that you would like:

To work on is fun and recreation and personal growth.  You have established through your session today that this means a lot to you and in order for you to achieve these goals, a routine, commitment and consideration to time may need to be implemented into your lifestyle.  Also you discovered that working with other networks and the resources you have such as talking to others about your spiritual interests and maybe Joining a community group would be positive.  You also established that a good starting point for your wellness and me time would be a Saturday morning to filter that in to your week and by creating a space that is calm and quiet would help with your mindset.  Also restarting your course when you are ready you feel would be a good step to move forward with your goal. I would say this is great clarity for you from this session. 🥰

Session 2:

A powerful session getting me to focus on my values.  Some key points I took:

1. When feeling overwhelmed you can't be excited, so you need to ground yourself - through values and/or things you want to be doing/making you happy
2. You can follow/aspire to others values, but it doesn't make us happy as we are living others values and not our own
3. When we know our values we are in fulfilment/aligned to our lives - once we know them we can stand up/fight for them

I selected 10 words from a document that I was emotionally connected to (what does that value give me emotionally) to and importance them.  There were lots more words that resonated, but here's some I selected: Gratitude; authenticity; relationship; ambition; healing; balance; individuality; empathy; calmness; purpose.

After comparing against each other via a type of scoring method, my top 5 ended up being: healing; relationship; individuality; empathy; purpose.  Then I was asked if I am practising these or have space to.  Other questions included post chat (in our non-coaching catch up): How does this value show up in my life?  What does it feel like if this value is violated?  E.g. the opposite, if someone is not taking healing if given advice on.

I went onto identifying my talents and gifts.  Some talents: reflection; self-aware; regulating feelings and thoughts; giving people my time and supporting them.  What other people would say about me: ambitious; organised; proactive (attention to effort and energy); attention to other peoples feelings (empathy); being comfortable in my own space and mind; fighter; follow gut/trust in the process

Some excerpts from our chat about the words I chose, specifically on the word healing, that I thought was interesting.

"I do like the word healing...it's quite calming...Been able to like recognise when I need to, like heal myself.  So emotional sort of healing maybe? (Lorna).  The act and process of like healing...acknowledging something and knowing what I can like potentially overcome it...That calmness comes into as well.  This is what lights you up (Lorna)... Sharing and over sharing...resonate and relate to...I personally find it empowering."

As Lorna said on my last session: "...keep in line with your values and you will soon find the balance for both work and your spiritual side".

On 14 January 2023 I attended Lorna's session 'Finding you... A Journey of Self Discovery'.  Which later complemented the work I did above.  I enjoyed it a lot, good balance of meditation and vision board making.  I really enjoyed it and surprised myself, as I am not creative physically in cutting and sticking type, but I really got into it - the perfectionist in me had to be precise with it.  As to me, the clearer intention the clearer steps to be taken.  I may well blog about this vision board in a future blog post to see how the manifesting unfolds.

If your interest chimes with mine on this spiritual topic, and on a similar path, I'd be keen to hear from you.

EDIT: A little reflection.  I also find that my husband Gary keeps me spiritually grounded.  Not only through his advice, but as he is a hairdresser, he doesn't have the industrious mindset of office-based jobs.  Which I find refreshing as I can fulfil my professional ambitions there but then arrive home into a space that doesn't thrive on such things.

Ya'Acov Darling Khan - "Finding a sense of freedom and peace by resting in the knowledge of who you are and what you are committed to is a powerful realization.  When you have a clear understanding of your values, beliefs, and aspirations, it provides a solid foundation for your sense of self and your life's purpose.

By knowing yourself and being aware of your core principles, you can navigate through life with greater clarity and authenticity.  You become less swayed by external pressures or the opinions of others, as you are anchored in both your own truth and the willingness to hear others.  This inner alignment allows you to make choices and take actions that are in harmony with your values and goals, leading to a greater sense of fulfillment and freedom.

When you are committed to something meaningful, whether it be personal growth, a cause you believe in, or relationships that matter to you, it gives your life purpose and direction.  It provides a sense of meaning and fuels your motivation to strive for what truly matters to you.  This commitment can guide your decisions and actions, empowering you to live a life aligned with your deepest values.

In this state of self-awareness and commitment, you can also cultivate a sense of inner peace and contentment.  Alongside seeking working for external accomplishments, you can find a sense of fulfillment from within.  This development of this inner peace supports us to, step by step, let go of the burdens that might have weighed us down in the past."

EDIT:

On Sunday 17th March, I attended Katherine Wright's monthly Movement Medicine session in Derby - following a brief manifesting to do this more often, ideally in-person.  I then located her on the timely revamped School of Movement Medicine's website teacher interactive map.  I had such a great time!  A standout moment for me was when I really understood what is meant by dance with whatever you are bringing; emotionally, psychologically and physically.  I have had some ongoing back pain issues recently and I gave my self to the music and somewhat heard the message of 'freedom', which I interpreted as being restricted to my pain and office chair a lot; a bit rigid.  My body listened and responded to this with my movements, which enabled an empowered me to move in a euphoric free form way and help my back in the process.