Now I have the full-time role and career is at a comfortable and stable place, I am now able to give focus and divide my time to other priorities of my life that are not just full-time work-related. Something I previously and deeply shared at the bottom of a blog post back in November 2021 - it's took a while but I am now at that place. Further reinforced by what I said in my blog post 'Triggered values' and 'What working class means to me':
I am now pondering what actually brings me joy. As I feel sometimes don't know what that means to me anymore. Things that just make me happy and blissful. I have a professional purpose, but when that's over I find myself a bit lost. I don't seem to have much personal purpose - which I know I do but full-time work consumes me. However I've always struggled with a hobby or the ability to commit to one. As I feel it needs to have meaning and long-term use - has to be related to a career or earning money, or having the feeling that I have to lead (just because I can/people please, might be no real need) which ends up making it a work-like endeavour. It doesn't and shouldn't have to be about The sense of commitment feels like it may add additional pressure (I must do...) when I want to feel more free and spontaneous. But that could be a negative view from me. I usually am self motivated, especially throughout my career but when it comes to things outside my comfort zone like practical creativity things. I need to be with other like minded interested people to work and share experience with, and be led my someone, for motivation. There's lots out there to Do It Yourself but again self motivated and can do with a break from leading myself. I like having plans and going out to see people. But on most Saturdays I spend most of the day working out what I want to do with my day or doing nothing - which is equally great as I feel I take a lot longer to decompress from a busy week and work mindset. Which is why a four day week might be beneficial. The weekends are usually over very quickly. I wondered when I'd get these feelings as I have lots of good experiences and achievements. But sometimes I feel somewhat depressed.
I think a lot of this anxiety is a result of me stepping back from extra work stuff (beyond my full-time job), that I mentioned way back here, and now that space is becoming more available. I am feeling a bit like a fish out of water. Most of my life I have been career and professional development driven. Now that focus has changed and now going back into a state of self-discovery and playfulness in a sense. Doings for me not to excel my career, but I have conflict over the balance of that as I want both. My career has been a goal and passion which is deep rooted in my being. So reducing this will take time and come with the anxiety and withdrawals. I often have to say to myself this is best day ever, last day that I'm alive, a gift to be alive here today, bringing myself to the now etc to jolt myself into a state of energetic appreciation and motivation. There is a consideration for burnout and digital overload that might make me feel like this too.
So in an effort to rediscover some basic joys in my life, and do more for me, inspired by a external colleague Sarah Copeland's 50 by 50 structure in PebblePad. I wanted to start thinking about some goals and challenges myself in general. But could see them as early development for my own 50 by 50 by way of stimulating personal hobbies which I have listed below - which is an active developing list. As a grounding starter, I have come to realisation that I don't need a lot to make me happy (I don't live beyond my means anyway). My cats, garden, friends and family, all regular stuff. All small things, which is good I think. As I often ponder if my happiness should be bigger, if that at all makes sense.
Wellbeing and health
- Continue my local ad hoc 5k runs
- Develop a daily/weekly routine for Movement Medicine and yoga
Family and friends
- Train or coach journey with mum/dad somewhere
Culture
- A focus on more wilderness travels than cities and towns.
Passions
- Animal related - volunteer at a cats protection/adoption
- Garden related - visit national gardens
- Natural history:
- I really liked taking the photos of squirrels and birds today. Maybe revisiting my Neighbourhood Nature course material and recording sightings on iSpot again
Ambitions/challenges
- Sunrise and stargazing on a mountain in Peak District
- Wild swimming, day and night
- Tough mudder and support a charity
- Off-roading
- Long bike ride
