Realignment
Back in January 2021, I was inspired by an interview with Gwen Stefani where she said; “…going back to my roots, and basically discovering why I got into music in the first place - what defined me and what made me feel like I'm meant to do something in this world…” Which got me pondering about my own learning technologist interest, origins/background (teacher education and learning support) and my then current full-time role as a Digital Practice Adviser – am I doing what I want to be doing and is it fulfilling my ambitions? Although I operated as a learning technologist to some degree in that role, I wouldn’t say it was a 'true' learning technologist role – somewhat convoluted strategically and operationally. I'm a learning technologist at heart and is what I am truly passionate about in my full-time profession, which I've been doing this past decade. However, I was happily reminded of a few key attributes of being a learning technologist; "I see you as absorbing the theory, the art of the possible and the developments and advancement in learning technology. Your challenge and opportunity, is turning that into clear recommendations and pragmatic steps because you are taking a group of people through change. Which is never easy!!! (headbang)." So I started to rediscover my roots as learning technologist; what the role means to me and why I enjoy it. Including comparisons against the learning designer role, which I previously applied for positions internally and externally. I don't believe these are the same role, there's a clear difference, but learning design is a knowledge and skillset in a learning technologist role, and vice versa. Learning conversations have to be a part of the roles, given it's the first word in title, otherwise I'd be very concerned! Multimedia design and production is not my main interest area, but I often direct others in developing such things, and produce pieces myself. Although some learning designer roles are not as narrow as that but embrace true instructional design methodologies. Though learning designers appear to be on a higher grade due to them being allegedly more focused on pedagogy, facilitation and multimedia build. But in my experience a learning technologist can equally have focused pedagogy and facilitation-led duties. I know I do in my role, explicitly in pre-technology application conversations and in design sprints. However I do prefer a learning technologist role for the variety, freedom and development and management of learning technology. As a learning designer is often restricted to the content production and project management lifecycle.
It took me a long while to realise I'm not in the role and environment I want to be in - it very much became a corporate learning and development type department - not what I literally signed up for. Though I was initially excited about the opportunities in that area, it wasn't really 'me'. Plus there was too much focus on the task, and not enough on the individual and team collaboration aspects for my liking. As well as consistent individualistic silo thinking, creating and working, which is not ideal to me as I am a natural collaborator, and I believe it doesn't make a healthy workplace environment. However, I courageously held my truth, embraced my vulnerabilities and adapted where I was able to - how true are you when you feel you have to adapt character for a workplace? If anything that role and environment eventually told me what I truly wanted; the joy of what I do best, not what I 'think' I should be doing. Whilst it has been a rollercoaster of a journey, I do feel I have developed, progressed and stretched within my abilities which is also a credit to the expert and diverse department. However, I need to remember that much of this role was getting accustomed and comfortable working in a university environment – the enormous mountain that I alluded to in ‘The mountain and mountaineer’. However, if I had started off in a department where I am now, it wouldn't have been a mountain, but a hill... I recall a colleague once saying that Higher Education may not be the right environment for me, but the truth was this particular work environment was not for me. I've realised through this experience that I need to be in a workplace I can grow and be supported to thrive in.
Over the Summer of 2021 I saw a brand new position, ‘Digital Curriculum Support and Developer’ - fixed-term contract, appear at the same university I was already working in. Excited by it but also hesitant to apply, I pondered over the job role for some time and did a bit of research to make sure it was the right role and was a good move. EDIT: I went to becoming a Digital Curriculum Manager - more in the blog post Learning technology manager - a celebration. However, I found myself revisiting the advert periodically and later came to the conclusion that this role is me and what I want to be doing. What interested me most about the individual role is that it is brand new, based in an academic school working closely with academics and in a vocational subject, healthcare. Requiring specific subject specialisms in digital and blended learning, PebblePad and H5P - which I have been using, supporting and championing across the university in previous role. It was heartening to see H5P listed on the job specification, especially after my hard influence on bringing it into the digital ecosystem. All of which reinforced my decision to apply and go onto getting the job. I think I was the only one they interviewed too. I was back to my roots and core passion! The role is a lead learning technologist and is situated in the Institute of Health and Allied Professions, within the School of Social Sciences, and I collaborate with academic colleagues to support, consult and innovate in the curriculum design and development of online and blended delivery undergraduate and postgraduate healthcare full-time and degree apprenticeship and professional courses. A fuller description of my role and key activities is on my ‘Profile’ tab. Day-to-day translation; much of this role is managing the PebblePad environment for the courses that sit in the institute, and ensuring high-quality digital, learning, teaching and assessment and facilitating innovation.
True to the words of Simon Sinek right now - “Our passions are ignited when we set out to advance a cause greater than ourselves.”
NTU Nursing - “Welcome to the team! Looking forward to working with you on some exciting developments & creating that extra special touch for our courses”
Since starting in August 2021 I'm the busiest I've ever been, and I love it as I've got a greater sense of purpose and feel very much appreciated. Which I was in desperate need of as the competitive, inhibiting and antagonising environment I was in became very wearing and having to chase/fight for project work, value/importance and impact - mostly due to not having a strong academic remit. The times I were inhibited re-directed me to my next opportunities to develop. For one to express their uppermost talents and abilities, you have to be in the right role. This new job truly responded to what I was wanting; being in a proper learning technologist role, narrowing down to a specific context, working closely with vocational-based academic people, and a department that values positive working relationships. As my role is specific to an institute, I am able to focus on specific work and projects to that area and the school it is based in. Keeping things small and tight, as personally that's where I can make most impactful change and value. Whereas in a central strategic team it’s too vast and widespread and too often the little but important and impactful bits get lost. I'm also excited to be back working directly with students and their assessors/supervisors/mentors/practice educators, where I can truly improve and support the student experience. As in my previous role I was far removed from student-facing, even though the work I was doing eventually positively impacts on them. I can now directly see the results of what I am doing, e.g. involving them in research and how they shape my support offer. As it's too easy to say what we do enhances the student experience - well I can actually walk the talk on what I do and has a direct positive impact on them. EDIT: in January 2022 I received this heartening unexpected feedback from a student which pretty much proves this - I do try my best to provide our students with high-quality and timely support.
Learning Disabilities Nurse Apprentice - "I have to say you’ve got a glowing reputation amongst my nursing colleagues for your prompt attention to our issues and the positive way you resolve them. We can’t believe somebody working with PP could be this happy!!"
I received some further pieces:
EDIT: September 2022, - a surprise email, more related to my previous role, from a Principal Lecturer, Nottingham Business School
"Dear Dan,
I hope you are well and managed to get some sort of break over the Summer.
I just wanted to drop you a line to say that – about three years late – I have watched the video performances that you and Charles did on The Idiots’ Guide To PebblePad. They certainly benefited this idiot and I wished I had looked at them when you first did them.
It has made my job of setting up this year's PebblePads so much easier. Thanks, Ali"
EDIT: December 2022, Adult Nursing Student - "Dan, to you also a big thank you for the patience shown."
EDIT: February 2023, Adult Nursing Student - "Thanks for responding promptly on all occasions."
EDIT: A reflection I had in September 2023. Its been really good for me this dept. Allowing me to make professional and personal impact - so much feedback received from staff and students. As well as just being able to be myself. I feel more valued and appreciated. As hard as the last workplace environment was, it has helped me to realise what a workplace should be like. A real confidence booster as I transition and further develop into a leader and manager.
Whilst no place is organised and managed to our own personal expectations, I feel its more doable to focus on my role and the difference I can make in that, with the possibility to scale up the influence beyond the role, department and into the wider organisation. My overall goal in the role is not to make a seismic change, but making sure that everything is about enabling and improving the most effective digital and online learning, teaching and assessment offer, in the healthcare context. However, I have wider ambitions to make a difference specifically at an institute, subject and course level. But as for a university-wide difference, that is quite a reach and often a cliché statement to make. I have no interest in being a global digital leader or innovator, that's a call for the hungry entrepreneurs.
Whilst I have been working with academics in my previous role, I have been somewhat distanced from the day-to-day academic environment, communication, collaboration and lifecycle. Therefore I have much to get reacquainted with, so I recognise that I need to be patient with myself as I get settled into the role and context.
Healing
There’s always going to be some degree of unhappiness or negative experience in a job - that's just reality! However, when leaving a job there is the opportunity to reflect on what went well, what didn’t go well and what might have been different if I had approached things differently - turning it into a healing process. It can be too easy to fall into the victim role, but my feelings are valid here. I've not only experienced new and wider pieces of work and projects than I have been involved in. But understanding and working with stronger personalities and sometimes unnaturally confrontational egos. Especially when it's someone's second time experiencing a different university, and they assume power over someone else's first time university experience, and they are more confident in navigating and communicating better than their first time. Let's be realistic, not everyone wants you to do well - there can be some very deliberately dark-minded people, often deriving from their own insecurities of feeling threatened or jealous. I understand that as humans we can be passionate about our roles, which can then evolve into unnecessary emotional responses. I also understand that most of this comes from a place of insecurity and other personal issues that said individuals might have. So as challenging (and uncomfortable) it is, they need to be approached with kindness, professionalism and personal responsibility, and constructive accountability where necessary, even if they don't reciprocate. Even as just as I did when I experienced an aggressive outburst by my then line manager.
My interpersonal abilities have been challenged, mostly in negative situations which have been uncomfortable to do, but has sometimes resulted in positive outcomes and better working relationships. That's the biggest takeaway from this role – not just dealing with varying levels of excessive (often unconstructive) critique, conflict, toxic workplace manipulation (negative controlling and influential behaviour and perhaps mind games veiled as strategy), but complex people and how to maintain my position whilst amplifying assertiveness. Often I’ve had to be more forceful in situations than my nature usually allows. Otherwise I increase the risk of not being seen and heard, people speaking for me, or talking over the top of me, rather than inviting or encouraging a response from me. Or making decisions for me rather than with me, becoming an employee to other colleagues and being drowned out by the louder voices and dominant personalities. Yes at times, inhibiting my growth when everyone needs the space and support to grow and develop. But why should I change myself in that way to 'fit in'? To which I ask ask; how present and effective was the inclusive leadership and management? Of which I value greatly in any workplace. Yes there is as an element of allowing these negative experiences happen to me; lack of assertiveness. However, there's a balance to be found as it can end up in continuous conflict. This could be reached by expressing our vulnerabilities, which I practice and have done in that role, when the opposition are master manipulators and manipulator others well, it makes it a very tough challenge. The opposition need to take accountability for their behaviour and energy they bring. Yes it happens everywhere, but a question is, should it and do we come to work for that? No. Imagine telling kids to learn early skills to tackle manipulators in their jobs. Parents would be in uproar. So no, I don't accept it and won't accept it. On reflection it is also alarming how people/the workplace can make you re-evaluate your career. I recall questioning my career pathway and seeking career as a result. My only regret is not being more vocal in calling them out about these things in-person, but as a straight-talking person I couldn't find the tactful words to use. Plus I had to watch my back due to those toxic workplace manipulators.
I also realise that I may not the 'typical HE worker' coming from the background I have. It’s not all been lows, lots of outweighing highs and personally touching acts of sincerity and kindness that I keep in my memory. It's just a shame that egos often consume our true nature. I've also had the pleasure of contributing new knowledge and practices and influencing new tools, organisational processes and individual and team working behaviours. Even enabled self-reflection in others; "I've learned a lot about myself through you". Though when asked how my new job is going and saying it "...was always a much better match for your skills." - which has some accuracy from what I experienced, though it is a lazy attempt to deflect responsibility for unsupportive line management and practicing toxic workplace manipulation.
As a side effect to some of the above, I'm aware that in some of my previous blog posts negativity has bled into them, such as 'Pragmatism, criticality and d**ks', 'Blending introversion with asynchronous working', 'Talking about vulnerabilities', 'Dared to lead' (the 'A maungy little incoherent rant/observation' bit, 'Imposter - phantom in self or environment?', What HE can learn from me and FE and 'DarkLight Phoenix - rising to the surface'. This is not my usual style but I do feel better acknowledging and releasing these negative emotions (as I do when listening to certain songs that match my mood), and leaning into my vulnerabilities. Which I continue to render positively as there's always something to be learned from such experiences. Therefore, I stand strong and remain unapologetic and vocal about these type of experiences. I've previously and successfully challenged workplace bullies and am not shy in flexing those muscles. Plus if the 'doing' of these negative behaviours and practices are accepted in the workplace, I am therefore accepted and free to discuss my experiences as a result of them - fair but an unfortunate consequence for such poor unprofessionalism. Reality is that we can forgive, but not forget bad experiences. If others didn't feel the same vibe as I did in that environment (which there was), it can be viewed as negatively calculated and personal behaviour towards specific people, that or labelled as overly 'sensitive'. I can already predict some responses as a result of this, 'I/we are saddened to know that's how you felt' or 'I/we didn't realise you felt like this'. Hard to accept though when individuals were kept informed and the department is made up self-proclaimed, qualified and industry-experienced leaders and managers. In general, I do think there's too many leaders in this world, which I feel is part of why we are in this mess, or not quicker to respond to the messes due to conflicting directions and ideas. Anyway, that aside, as uncomfortable as these revelations and realisations are, there is learning and healing to be found within those experiences, and am sure there is reflection in there for any readers of them. I feel this blog post will be the last of such negative workplace topics - it's all wasted energy really, but does provide a potent base for inner healing and learning. Despite some of the moments of intenseness and dread, I’m blessed to view these situations in such a positive light and can use those experiences to help handle similar situations and to become stronger and more resilient.
Despite the environment lacking empowering and nurturing attitudes and the aptitude to utilise my recognised strengths. I do feel that I have been somewhat spiritually realigned to focus my attention back on my solid learning technologist roots, which allows me to better fulfil my potential in the right environment. Along with like-minded, supportive, easy-to-work with and co-collaborative personalities that I tend to flourish with. I can safely say that I am now in a more nurturing and less competitive space and where my strengths are best utilised, complemented by my new mindset. I've put control of my own destiny back into my own hands, with my immediate priority to rebuild my self-belief, confidence and conviction. Which I am already seeing make a return, now that the harness has been cut off. What I am observing in myself is that I am demonstrating, expressing, articulating and feeling so much better. Which is something I was trying to achieve in my last role, and for myself. But I was less able to do - but is now much easier without the constraining atmosphere. Interestingly, my unwelcome 'imposter visitor' has not made intense returns since being in this new position... Perhaps that's due to how I feel more valued (knowledge and performance), listened to and purposeful?
Fulfilled goals
Following my deep enquiry in my previous blog post ‘Love, lessons and meaning from Agatha’, and what I had said somewhere in this blog site about letting dreams die in order for new ones to be created. I'm not shutting down my enthusiasm, passion and fight for my career learning technology - I stay committed and embrace the feeling of Lady Gaga’s lyrics “This is my dancefloor I fought for”. However, I have consciously chosen to step back 1) in order to allow space for me to develop other aspects of my life and to flourish in 2) I have achieved my professional goals and now feel a sense of fulfilment and peace. Though I’ve always been somewhat of a chameleon blending into the background and becoming present when needed - so this is perhaps one of those periods. Professionally, I have achieved everything I set out to do and I feel that my career journey was meant and I was destined to see it through. However I don't feel I traded other aspects of my life for my career, I tried to balance both simultaneously - was it effective? I'm not sure but hence why I am talking about the shift and balance now.
If the quote below is true, I agree wholeheartedly and I feel this is what I have done with my career; how I kept motivated to push myself and felt I was in hurry to be somewhere. Minus the hate for training and champion bits though.
Muhammad Ali - “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”.
I can confidently say that my formal education has come to an end - the Chartered Management Institute (CMI) Level 5 Diploma in Management and Leadership was my last qualification. However, I did say in my blog post ‘30’ that my professional goals were achieved after my Technology Enhanced Learning MSc, but I later felt I had to do the CMI as a final qualification. I will obviously maintain my Continuing Professional Development and update and challenge my knowledge, skills and thinking. I will also consider allocating some time to reflect on my broader full-time role more deeply and the contribution I am making to society, both internal and external to my organisation. But generally, I'm no longer going to pressure and immerse myself in becoming more intellectual. Maintaining knowledge and practice is enough and I don't believe in becoming intellectual to just become superior to my peers – though I agree knowledge can be helpful in a game, should you want to play it... And there's always a chance of losing. What is most important to me now professionally is developing my self-knowledge and spiritual work, as well as continuing some external projects/activities. The Doctor Strange (2016) quote still resonates strong with me this year; "Your intellect has taken you far in life, but it will take you no further. Surrender,... Silence your ego and your power will rise.".
However, that said it’s also a good time to revisit other areas of my profession to focus on and specialise in. I recall reading an article where Russel T Davies commented on his earlier career that he enjoyed creating dialogue over illustration of comics - all within the same role sphere. This got me thinking of what do I enjoy most out of what I do in the broadness of my role? For example, generating and prototyping ideas for online learning activities and assessments. On a similar note, as much of my previous learning technologist roles have been everything and anything to everyone, I now want to narrow down and specialise a bit. However, I find it hard to narrow down to specifics because I've spread myself across many areas such as learning technology, learning design, digital capabilities, awarding bodies, management etc - a lot of areas interest me! However, my new role is enabling me to narrow down whilst applying my expertise across these areas. This was a recent topic discussion in Early-career learning technologists LinkedIn group. Which Matt Cornock grounded me by saying “…easy to become only a generalist and forget about the depth of knowledge you can develop when you spend time researching or developing one or two areas of work." A reminiscent discussion I had with myself in the 'Refining my interests' section of the 'DarkLight Phoenix - rising to the surface' blog post. EDIT: (March 2022) Conversely, Tom Goodwin said: The world needs Generalists but doesn’t really value them. People who can bring expertise together, people who understand intersections and adjacencies, people who can cross cultures and vantage points. We continue to live in an age which idolizes depth, not width. It would be great if this could change. We need both. I find warmth in this as I often find I have to be a 'generalist specialist'. Being a learning technologist is my career and I am deeply committed to that profession. But another passion is growing ever strongly in this new chapter of my life, which has been there in the background for over a decade. Which goes above and beyond of just serving an organisation, and the industrious working and capitalistic ‘more is better’ way of life. My full-time work is not just my life and my life is not just about my full-time work... I have more meanings in life than just my career. My family, friends, travel and personal spirituality and wellbeing are a bigger focus than they have ever been.
Wilson Waffling:
Celebrating and creating
For me 2022 is largely about celebration, creativity, consolidation and deep enquiry. First of all emphasis on celebration on how far I have come in my professional journey and fulfilling my goals and the achievements I obtained along the way. I deserve a well-earned break, but as I said earlier, that doesn't mean that the quality of my work will reduce. Just more mental capacity and space to focus on being better at what I do. On a personal celebration, I am due to get married 4th October 2022 to the love of my life. Lots of quality time to be spent on planning the big day! As I alluded to above, 2022 onwards I will be focusing on more spiritual, connectedness and creative aspects of my life, and I can't wait! It's time to go easy on myself and nurture my being and my close relationships. I've worked extremely hard and stretched myself in many ways, now I get to marvel in the fruits of my labours and invest my time and energy into my new chapter of personal human evolution. 22 is sure to be a unique year for me too, so am sure something besides the obvious plans will unfold or reveal itself. I'm even going to explore some creative things like dabble with wreath making, I just missed out on it this Autumn and Winter. I'm excited to see what other creative aspects emerge too! But ultimately, a formal end to being work-centric and deeper into my spirituality work.
Although I need an identity for my career I’m increasingly less focused about it and my associated roles. But increasingly interested about my spiritual purpose and 'medicine' I can offer. Starting off the New Year like I did last January, I will be knee-deep in Movement Medicine – all things embodied learning and living and I’m excited to get more involved and deeper into it all. After months of being immersed in it, I'm already feeling and seeing the benefits of this work; heightened awareness, presence and aliveness in my heart, mind and body, creativity and critical reflection and deeper empathy. I'm also finding I'm getting better at articulating and describing my feelings and thoughts. In January I will be undertaking deeper learning with a shamanic Encounter course. What's different this time though is that it is not work-related and I don't have to work towards becoming or achieving something like a qualification. But enjoying the natural curiosity and learning happen without preconceived outcomes. If I do become something of this, then I'm sure that will be revealed as I go along - part of the mystery! I may even get back into leisurely focussing on doing crystal healing and animal spirit card reading. I feel I can now give my undivided time, attention and mental capacity to focus on them. Journeying more into my inner universe and learning things beyond this physical world. In an effort to create a deeper connection with my life and the natural world and better resource myself, and that I can use to support my loved ones. This Winter I am going to literally let the old goals and self-judgements die and allow Spring to let my spirit flourish. I feel I've so much spiritual and emotional potential to develop, especially as I'm always in tune with my thoughts and feelings. Plus, I'm heartened what my mum said quite recently; "...you give your time to people..." I do agree, whether, friends, family and colleagues. I am always there to listen, make sense of problems/situations and advise if asked. But I 'll add that I make time for people too.
