Why openness is good

Because I am an open person I have transferred this into the digital realm via this blog.  I've been openly expressing myself by writing on this blog for 5 years (this month) where I share both personal and professional snippets of my life.

Me - "All of this provides reasons of why I work and present myself in this way via my blog site, that derive from my poor educational and geographical beginnings/upbringings."

My blog acts as a form of ePortfolio as it is a collection of reflective professional and personal development and achievements.  I predominately use my blog as an intrinsically motivated reflective online space, as well as developing my own thinking and literacy skills.  I generally express my experiences, learning, views and thinking in the form of reflective writing, quoting and linking to things I have reflected upon, but also using video as a way to share information and at times talk openly about myself to address updates, situations and concerns.  I initially decided to create this to share my growth and development as a person and professionally, you know, to look back on in years to come.  I could have written this in a private journal, but I believe it is important to share in for orders to perhaps benefit from it.  The wider world can learn from my experiences, stimulate their own thought processes or as a way to get reassurance on a specific situation.  I also believe in freedom and expression of speech, which can bring challenges of scrutiny.

When internet searching the following are identified as main benefits to journaling, in no particular order:

• Invokes catharsis, which can relieve stress
• Encourage reflective practice and cognitive processes
• Develop self-awareness abilities
• Promote memory recall and retention
• Bring clarity and focus
• Identify problems and goals and help track them
• Organise ideas and thoughts
• Inspire and improve creative thinking and writing

Plus journaling can have wider educational benefits could support qualification assessments or accreditations that are: evidence, work, competency, project and process/iterative-based.

My blog is largely for personal expression so I can look back on my journey - journaling mainly about me, for me, with some intended for other audiences blog post.  As well as "...writing/typing to think, rather than think to write/type."  My writing style is usually anecdotal, descriptive and reflects my accessible, pragmatic and simplified nature.  It is part of my reflective process; digesting, consolidating and forming new directions and focus points.  Maybe my journaling has connections to visible learning?  The process of writing blog posts allows me to gather my thoughts, freshest thinking, think things through and make sense of the mess that is my note taking.  Which is a reflection of my mind - lots of thoughts and ideas that need to be joined up.  In most writings the process is more important than the outcome of the blog posts.  And I rarely revisit my blog posts, unless the need calls.  I keep things as real and authentic as possible - recording and journaling thoughts, feelings and outputs in the moment which adds further richness, rather than jut relying on-post reflection.  If I have experienced something and has made me think, I just write on what happened etc.  I often utilise my journaling, blog posts, as source material which contains high levels of cognition and reflection and research, analysis and evaluation.  When writing about my experiences, it is often done concurrently with current work/projects and including unused thinking/outputs, as I allude to in the last paragraph of this blog post.  And within the process, giving credit where it is due.  Moreover, I do share openly because I believe in helping and inspiring others through my own learning.  It's in my strap line "Beware of my openness!".  This used to be followed by another line saying "I dare to share and be me."  But I removed it to focus on my openness and being me is a result of that.  This blog is basically a digital summary of me and my life.  It's all about my learning, challenges I have experienced and ideas I have developed - a kind of biographical/curriculum of me.  Another huge benefit is that it allows me to develop source material for other writing and publication endeavours.  In this blog post I will share some of the positive things it has brought me as a result of being open.

I include more details in my blog post 'How to create an authentic blog', 'Pragmatism, criticality and d**ks', '10 years of blogging' and 'Voice'.

Applying for jobs and attending interviews

I talked a little bit about this in the blog post 'An employability check ☑'.  The main thing I would say is, if you want make your work open, reflect on it regularly.  Not just about what was good and what could be improved, but why it is interesting, what you learned throughout it and what it leads onto next.  This leaves it open to return back to in future blog posts which show a coherent developmental and progressive journey of your work, confidence and performance.  The outputs then demonstrate your digital identity as someone reputable, reliable and authentic in their professional field.  You can then share this with employers or employers can find this work and bring it up in interviews for further questioning etc.

Peer and self support

With family and friends, I find that I sometimes send links to my personal posts on my blog.  For example, when me and friends talk about similar issues we have experienced in our personal lives or careers,  I obviously captured these feelings at some point in the form of a blog post.  So I go over it briefly face-to-face but then I send a the link to the blog post that details it more clearly so they can get a better perspective.

Framing understanding and practices

I blog frequently on work projects and general thinking to help me understand what I am doing, why I am doing it and what are benefits from it and who gains from it and so on.  This is a learning technology that helps me immensely to record my thoughts and feelings that are required to make greater sense of a situation, literally to support my slow learning ways. 

"A snippet of how #edtech supports me. I'm largely a reflector & work best thinking stuff through. I feel I'm not as quick with critical responses face-to-face & articulating myself. Without my blog & other digital spaces, I wouldn't be able to express myself as clearly."

It's good to record and reflect anything you learn as it will become useful later at some point.  Like some of my blog posts provided me with a foundation when writing my Learning Technology book (#LTbookFE).  I can easily recall things to remind me of what I did at work.  Like things for my appraisal and my feelings of what and how I did it etc.  All of this ties in with 'personability' which is introduced in my book.  Personability is about soft-skills like imagination and adaptability, for example.  These are not taught but are usually developed by taking part in activities and interactions with others.  You could argue and say personability is just about being open to yourself, others and willing to learn from both.  Which we should all strive to do in general.

Help others to understand you

As it can be quite hard to articulate yourself in the work environment, reflecting openly helps others to see how I am learning and what challenges I am against.  Obviously it has to be written positively and not damning of individuals and the organisation.  But from my experience, colleagues have found it useful in understanding me better.  My colleague said the following which sums it all up and totally supports my ethos of doing a blog.  It really does encapsulate the tangible output of being open...  The blog post they are referring to is this one.

"I wanted to drop you a line as I’ve just read your latest blog post on the mountains you’ve been climbing.

I’m glad I am able to “stalk” you online 😉.  Because you are able to write so openly I am able to read what you have to say and gain a much better understanding of how things are for you.  We’d never achieve the same endpoint just from talking in the office.  I firmly believe this can only help strengthen our working relationship that I already think is good and enjoy.

As you’ve noted you’ve already achieved a lot at a time of great change for you in your work and personal life.

I think you’ve been a great addition to the team.  I like working with you and learning new things from and with you.

I look forward to watching you continue to grow." 30 March 2018

I guess doing it this way through a blog helps me to think things through and gather my thoughts etc.  Yes they're right about not achieving same endpoint in the office, it's sometimes tricky to articulate yourself in a work environment.  But I'll continue to be open as much as I can!

Express to understand yourself

You may be thinking, well just be yourself, yes which I am and hopefully people will see that.  However, I still have difficulty articulating myself face-to-face sometimes, so having the time to think and prepare what I am saying and doing really helps me a lot.  This digital technology medium doesn't create a reflector, it just amplifies and solidifies me as a person and my thoughts for public/private viewing.

You can't always tell who specifically checks out your blog, but sometimes you may pick up snippets in face-to-face conversations.  Some passing comments may be made about the content or even repeating some lines that have been mentioned.  All of which may be referenced directly or indirectly.  You just don't know who's looking, so always make sure its honest, positive and ultimately you.  Write to express, not to impress - be true to yourself as you may not always be able to convey that person you have 'created'.

You may not want to share every professional, personal and emotional aspect of your life and on such a public accessible medium like this, but I would encourage you to express more openly as I do.  It could be on something smaller like Twitter or designing your own memes and gifs.  Whatever sparks your creative side, go with it and express yourself openly.

Slow learner?

This blog post arrives after much insecurity about how I generally learn and respond to learning or communication.  As much as this may be a surprise (or not), I feel this is true of me.  A lot of it depends on how interested and attentive I am to the situation.  However, I'm sure the people that I socialise and work with and even lived with will have most likely experienced this in some shape or form!  A subtle sign is that I don't get jokes instantly.  Unless it's stupid silly and crude.  I'm a living conundrum.  As Gary once said I'm both stupid and intelligent. 😲 I think I am generally 'dim' in nature as I often don't put my mind to anything substantial.  But when I do that's when I do have great outcomes and may surprise people - a dark horse.  However, I am a big believer in that knowledge is specific - which is where my expertise is embedded.  Not general knowledge that hangs on mainly memory of broad and often meaningless key events.  But how can I be both stupid and intelligent?  Well education and intelligence are two different things.  Perhaps it all draws back to some of my earlier experiences and under educated start to life.  I do realise that one thing from my poor education beginnings is that I lack vocabulary and grammar - though I remain a good speller!  I am not creative enough with the words I chose in the moment.  Resulting in me not being to verbally articulate and choose the right words effectively.  An observation, when I want to have a normal type conversation.  And when heavy topics come in like politics etc, which is valid to bring up, however I think there's a better debate-type environment for that.  As I feel am not intelligent enough on such issues and it can make conversations  more complex than it needs to be.

I'm still learning and developing my literacy as I go along in my personal and professional life.  Maybe I shouldn't analyse myself in this way but we are all different, you don't get the same person twice.  Not even twins have the same spirit and personality.  I don't think there's no perfect human being.  If you do happen to know a perfect person, what criteria, lenses or circumstances are you judging them on?  I realise I somewhat dim in nature at times, but that is just my character - I wouldn't be any fun otherwise!  I feel a lot of this is due to my brain thinking way ahead than my body can react.  My body then tries to catch up with my brain's decisions, leaving my body tripping up over itself?!  However, I do appear to be in my own little world at times - I ponder a fair bit.

"I also need to remember that I am a reflector and slow learner and I learn and critically evaluate differently - usually in planned and spontaneous reflection.  I mention somewhere in this whole blog site that my thoughts are more powerful than my verbal words."

I mention more on this topic in blog posts 'Why openness is good', 'Blending introversion with asynchronous working' and 'Pragmatism, criticality and d**ks'.

Being a 'slow learner' doesn't mean I am less productive or incompetent, as I am fast at being productive than understanding - it just takes a bit more time for me to process, especially in-person and handling incoming complex information.  Linked to that, when people used to ask me what time it is.  A reason why I couldn't tell the time easily when I was younger.  Well firstly, numbers were a bit of an issue back then - maths related?  But mainly that I had to study the clock face longer to work out where the hands were to work out the time.  Whilst I might be 'slow' in some ways, however I'm a proactive doer.  I'm pragmatic, that's what I have always been about, it just comes natural.  If I have something to do or needs doing, I get on with it and get it done - I see things through to the finish.  I don't do half jobs - I'm very meticulous!  I'm also a strong visual learner.  Meaning that I need visual cues to help me understand, as well imagining images when developing my understanding.  Moreover, as part of learning and projects I like to produce something tangible - I'm quite materialistic like that.  I like to see a real and usable thing by the end of the efforts.  Or at the very least, what I have spent my time and resources on!  Some may be more satisfied with just contributing to conversations like thought leadership.

It may take me a few times to go around things (repetition) until I fully understand something.  And whilst thinking on my feet is doable I don't think that is always to great effect.  In my opinion a slow learner is just as powerful as a fast learner.  Slow learners (in my context) take more time to understand detail, environments and situations whilst fast learners may jump in without fully understanding all angles.  They are of which both pros and cons to these, as with everything.  It's down to where these abilities are used and for the right purpose.  Just like applying for a job really.  The employer will review your application or CV and assess the suitability of your knowledge, skills and experience against the the job role specification.

In saying all of this though, I am quick to react to feedback and I'm very diligent in the process of responding to it.  I find that I am quick at learning when I know what I want to learn.  Like I am quick to learn and adapt when it's more career/professional related stuff.  Perhaps I feel I have more control over it?  It must be, because I wouldn't be successful otherwise.  Plus, I lived in and managed my first house on my own for 6 years!  I think self-awareness and emotional intelligence speaks volumes here, I do feel and sense more than in linear logical ways.  This is why recognising our own learning patterns is important as it helps us to determine the best ways we can understand and carry out things to the best of our abilities, and what we are comfortable in doing.  I think a lot of it comes down to active listening and communication and how we interpret this, which is probably the use of language and what we are used to?  Or is it purely just down to priorities and personal agendas of what we want to hear and do and discounting everything else?  I guess that's another discussion in itself!

My conclusion on this small incoherent rambling - work with and build on your strengths.  Just because you aren't particularly good at one thing doesn't mean your not got at anything else or even at all.  When watching Game of Thrones, I was hung up on this quote (not the scene for obvious reasons) which pretty much sums up how I am.

"I'm a slow learner, it's true.  But I learn." - Sansa Stark, Game of Thrones.

And that there, says it all, "I learn". 👍

EDIT:

In June 2021, my fiancé sent me the following image below from r/2meirl4meirl on Reddit - hit the nail on the head literally.  It's like my intelligence struggles to express and articulate itself through the vessel that is my body and fails.  This is how I feel the majority of the time and do think there is strong links to introversion and asynchronicity here.  Especially as I am more a reflector and evaluator and dislike being put on the spot.  I need to remember that I am intelligent and that I express it in my own unique ways (more so emotional intelligence), whether that goes against forced or conventional norms.  But I do respond better when I am present and in the company of positive and encouraging energies and in safe environments.  Gabor Maté says; “We don’t learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on our experience”.  Whilst I think we can learn from experience, e.g. as basic as burn yourself on a hot ring.  I strongly believe in this statement as we can learn more deeply when we reflect and look inwards.

In October 2023 I saw this pin badge image on X, that has a gold designed battery shape, with 7 emoji type faces starting from a sad face evolving to a happy face, with red to green background colours.  Representing a person's social battery.  I thought I really want this - a game changer I think.  A lot of my mental and physical energy is governed by social energy.  And this helps me convey that to others.

Send me on my way

Major life changes were afoot and I knew they were coming...  I guess I was due for some big changes in my life.   I think it is important to have a check-in with yourself every now and again to see where your heads at.  Even just to reflect on things and open up some emotions.  It's been a while since I have talked about personal development, so here's a bit of a rundown of the changes I've gone through in the last few months - that being a new job and moving into a new home in a new location.  That sounds stressful doesn't it.  It's had it's moments but I'm glad to say that I am feeling settled.

Progressing higher

The changes started with my new job at Nottingham Trent University in October 2017, which I thoroughly detail in that post.  I'm settling well into my new role as a Digital Practice Adviser, however, that alone has been a big change interpersonally and came with some insecurities about transitioning from further education to higher education and working in a much larger place.  But the progression will also take me on a new journey in my career.  I am feeling more settled and positioned of working at NTU.  I work with some great supportive colleagues and made some new friends through the LGBT+ Staff Network.

A place to grow

I have now moved from home that I have lived in for 6 years.  Although I moved out in October 2017 to live temporally at Gary's Dad's house to be closer to work.  There was a larger plan to all of this, in that we were going to stop at his Dad's for a bit until we sorted a house out.  But then the family home was sold and we had to move out in January 2018.  So before Christmas we made it a priority to find a place.  Which we did, but long story short, we couldn't move in it officially until April!  But we could have access to it from March.  So we lived with some friends about 10 minutes away from our new home.  Thanks to our friends for putting us up at such a short notice or we would be in a bit of a mess!  So in the last 6 months prior to then I had moved 3 times!  It felt a bit like holiday blues again and again, where I got used to seeing and being with people for a short period then changed.

Now we're in our new home together and it's a new chapter in our relationship.  This is the first time we have a mutual space that is just for us two.  It feels like we're new again of some kind, setting a new routine for ourselves and developing our house together.  We've made good progress on making out creative mark on the place.  Like our giant cork-board world map on our bedroom wall that has strings linking to photos of us in that location of the world.  We've also been painting focal points in the house and getting into gardening and nurturing our house plants.

I feel sad to leave my home back in Barnsley as feel I kind of grew up in it after leaving my Grandma's house in 2011.  I learned more about myself and enjoying and being comfortable in my own company.  Which is something I feel everyone needs to learn at some point in their lives.  It's a sad but beautiful thing to do.  I feel it makes you a much stronger and well-rounded person.  Depending how you embrace the opportunity, I took it to go out to places on my own and put yourself in a position where I would talk to new people etc.  Some were new social events, nights out and one was a trip down to Brighton.  When I wasn't feeling up for seeing people or just wanted to have some alone time, I knew I was safe and protected here with all things 'me'.  My home provided a safe space for me and concealed my lonely times.  I feel my first taste of being alone was when I became single in February 2012, and then went to Turkey in April with some friends the same year.  I had my own room which I had never experienced before, and in a different apartment location to others on the resort.  At the beginning it was quite challenging to adapt to living on my own, as I've only ever lived with family.  But I did used to lock myself away a bit and have always had a strong independent mindset, so always had that in me.  But I never realised to the extent how lonely I was until you see examples of it that bring it to surface.  Loneliness is a strange feeling, though I wasn't completely alone, as I had family and friends around me.  Which I did see often, but in hindsight not enough to help ease the pain.  A deep a regret of mine.  But in my experience when I was lonely I didn't want to draw attention to it, not that I was ashamed but perhaps I didn't know how to acknowledge it.  I just felt it was part of my personality.  Anyway, when I got more comfortable being in my own company and space I guess it was so easy to do things on my own.  A deep and soulful result of living on my own for 6 years and persevering loneliness.  Sometimes I would turn down outings and people coming around so that I could just enjoy my space.  Which is not always a good thing, so I'd encourage others to be mindful about that!  What's also quite sad is that I didn't reach out to family as much as I should have during these lonely times.  Maybe my independence and pride got the better of me.  But now I have a new life with Gary in our new home together.  I will keep those memories and experiences of my first home close to me, but now I will be making even better memories in our joint home.

Because I have moved, I am a lot further away from my family and friends.  I still go through every other weekend as my family still live in Barnsley and I arrange things with friends, so I'm not completely cut off.  If I think about it too much it hits me in the heart.  But I know I care about all of my family and friends and want to be in their lives - as they do me.  So we have that mutual effort amongst us all.  And because I have moved an hour away, it doesn't mean that I will forget where I came from.

Losing my independence?

Moving home has brought positive changes to my lifestyle.  After I moved into my own place on my own and creating a home by myself, I became quite possessive and restrictive with it.  For example, I let my OCD(ness) take over and not allow things to be moved or be in a certain way.  Often not allowing friends and family over to avoid things getting used and moved.  Silly I know!  But these characteristics have gradually left me since I moved to Gary's Dads home then onto our new home.  Yes those traits are still there but less controlling as they once were.

My blog is littered with many examples of learning and being independent.  When I think about my independence, I tend to think about the movie Matilda (1996).  You know, the 'omelette scene' and taking herself to the library.  I have always thought of myself as something different to others, like Matilda she was 'different' and alone but was able to use it positively as well as her own company.  I knew I had a long educational and emotional journey ahead but I have been able to accept, embrace and work with it.  As Rusted Root's say in the song, Send Me On My Way...

Sometimes in a deeply reflective mood I think of the movie Drop Dead Fred (1991)  or even the music video to Alanis Morissette's Ironic song.  The ending scenes where they are both left alone always grips me as it's where imaginary becomes reality and what they must face.  In Drop Dead Fred it's the attitude where she picks herself up and faces what is to come, being adult.  As Gary says, I have a young soul - I must have a new soul to this earth plane.

Do I feel like I have lost my independence as I'm no longer living in my own?  No, as I can still have that whilst I'm living with someone, the home is ours to share.  Even though I had a big challenge of merging our possessions together!  As observed by Gary, I don't like to rely on people, I'm an extremely independent person.  As a result, I somewhat have an expectation of others to be independent.  Whilst that's what education strives us to be it can also pose as a barrier.

Goals for the soul

With all these changes that have surrounded me, I feel it's a good time to recognise a few things to work towards.  A bit like how I previously mentioned some life aims (minus the children one for now), but giving a bit of focus in some areas I want to improve, which I am sure this list will grow in time!

• Lovers not rivals (focusing on the good that people do and like about me rather than seeing a need to challenge and argue, although you need to every now and again)
• Active listening (being more present and contributing to what has just been said.  But I do prefer to mull over things before giving a thorough response)
• Reiterating stories to other people (I can't seem to tell stories like some do in conversations.  I am impatient and get straight to the point.  But it would be good to tell a decent story!)