Wednesday, 23 December 2020

Dared to lead

It's been a busy year, possibly my most busiest in my 10+ year career in the learning technology specialism - for obvious reasons, the COVID-19 pandemic.  On an increased scale and capacity - preparing, supporting and coaching academic and professional service staff in transitioning their teaching and working roles online in remote circumstances.  Below are some projects and pieces of work I have done that are worthy of highlighting:


However, as the 'law' of lifelong learning has no end and my own learning and investment in development must continue.  Kicking off the topic, supported by this recent quote from the The Kilted Coaches (trying not to blush 😉):



I continually invest in developing myself, not always in a professional capacity, but myself as a person - personal development.  I'm proud that I continue to maintain the law and label of lifelong learning.  So, updating on something I started planning in April 2019, where I said the following in my blog post 'DarkLight Phoenix - rising to the surface':
"I'm ambitious, that's true, however complacency has no presence in my work, improvement and self-development never end!  I've recently made a list of goals around treating myself as a senior professional.  I feel I reached this a few years ago, but now is the time to act on it.  To set this in motion I came up with a title for this goal "Plan, act, work, be a senior" with a strap line of "Got the attitude, knowledge, skills, willingness and status to be a senior".  Under this I placed objectives..."
Then I further shared some development back in February 2020 'Levelling up - identifying professional abilities, strengths and gaps'.  So I finally pressed the start button and am now working towards a self-funded Chartered Management Institute (CMI) Level 5 Diploma in Management and Leadership, of which I am now halfway through.  Steadily progressing through and getting back into the studying routine as I've had a hiatus since my MSc ended in 2016.  On my last unit I received the following feedback which was warming to read, good to hear I've still 'go it!':
Tutor - "If I may offer some feedback.  It's never easy changing tutor as we each have a different view; but you have responded to my feedback fantastically well which is
credit to you, your character and determination.

...My pleasure.  Your character is something to be admired.  With self-awareness you should recognise not everyone has your application."

And later when I completed, tutor - "...your application was stunning."

A main reason in undertaking this qualification is to acquire new underpinning knowledge and skills and to strengthen and support my previous experience; certify it and reinforce my credibility.  However, I also did the CMI for my own use in my roles, not to offer as a service to others.  As I've mostly learned on the job in this topic, a main downside to that is that you don't always learn essential theory to support and inform why you do what you do.  I could have just researched the topic independently, but as per above I wanted to complete it formally.  However, it's not just about having another qualification, although I always appreciate to be rewarded with something tangible at the end.  I am sure this will open up many new doors for me as a result.  This Diploma also allows me to gain full CMI membership, making me eligible for Chartered Manager status.  I had full control over my unit choices and carefully decided on the following:

  • Principles of Management and Leadership in an Organisational Context
  • Principles of Developing, Managing and Leading Individuals and Teams to Achieve Success
  • Managing Stakeholder Relationships
  • Managing Projects to Achieve Results
  • Managing Change
  • Creating and Delivering Operational Plans
  • Managing Quality and Continuous Improvement
  • Principles of Innovation

Origins of a leader/manager

I'm loosely using leadership and management throughout, although there are clear differences in focus, mindset and duties.  Which I find all are often applied in the wrong situations.  Whilst challenging I understand the importance of both roles individually and am able to separate and apply them where appropriate - essentially both are required.  I've definitely learned more about how to manage and lead effectively through the CMI qualification, but I wouldn't describe myself wholly as a leader.  I am not a natural leader with the in-built disposition but do where the situation requires it.  I have a much stronger management disposition and skillset.  Though I do think we as a species like to look to a leader and be led.  I've had a disjointed introduction to both leadership and management, having carried out and experienced associated tasks before understanding the actual roles themselves.  For example: digital leadership; thought leadership; entrepreneurship; strategy; managing change (namely PebblePad and H5P), managing a team; developing individuals; writing job descriptions; interviewing and selecting new team members; conducting appraisals; return to work; probation reviews and much more.  Thus far, this qualification is connecting all the dots to my previous experience and providing necessary foundations for me to build on further.

I obtained my first proper management and leadership experience during my first Learning Technologist role where I directed the development of learning technology and interactive eLearning materials.  Through the line management and training of annual university intern placements, and large groups of apprentices (Level 3 and 4 Diplomas in Digital Learning Design) on their roles and responsibilities.  I taught and assessed apprentices and managed and developed the learning company they were recruited to.  I managed the apprenticeship framework and line managed and supported assessors and also led the internal verification and quality assurance of these programmes - demonstrated through my Jisc presentation 'Designing digitally-enhanced curricula'.  It was during this time I did my first course in management; FututreLearn's Managing People: Engaging Your Workforce.  Additionally, I designed, delivered, assessed and managed the Level 4 Certificate in Technology in Learning Delivery programme.  So lots of early leadership and management abilities being displayed and performed.  Plus a 6+ month period managing the entire learning technology department to cover long term leave of the manager - with no additional contract or pay.  However, I have been displaying and demonstrating management and leadership qualities for many years, but one of the challenges is being noticed for such behaviours.  A personal reflection I had during one of the leadership units, is that "do we always need followers (followship) in order to effectively lead?  In my experience of line managing, planting seeds of inspiration and wisdom along with appropriate support, and the occasional prompts is usually enough to empower others to achieve agreed objectives."  I expressed leadership from the side and sometimes at the back.  Influencing and shaping thinking and improving performance both directly and indirectly.  Yes, you can lead from these angles and not always be at the front and centre.  Although not always recognised, acknowledged or given the appropriate credit where it should be.  I'm not that interested in the spotlight being on me.  On reflection, I am overly generous with my idea sharing which is often taken advantage of and am not credited where its due - my face/persona doesn't fit perhaps?  Whilst a team can help support their leaders ideas/vision, they are mainly in that role/paid to come up with those ideas, not just delegate to their team members to do the heavy lifting for them and claim their efforts at the end.  I talk more about I approach this in 'How to create an authentic blog'.

In the past I have also been a final candidate for a digital learning and learning technology manager roles and was offered an eLearning manager position.  So I offer interesting and needed knowledge and skills.  In my current full-time and external roles, it appears I'm naturally growing out of the 'on the ground' stuff.  I'll always be in education and have the supportive nature, but at this point I'm transcending into a kind of manager that manages myself and my accountable areas and a more rounded consultant.  That utilises and maximises my vast expertise and astute abilities in digital/online learning design, capabilities and strategy development.  However, I'll always maintain my enthusiasm to muck in with everyone and be on the ground where possible.

EDIT:  June 2021 - It may be a bit of imposter creeping in, but sometimes I feel my own ambitions might be higher than my actual expertise.  But as always I am willing to learn along the journey.  That said, I do believe in and am confident with my strengths and know my limits, so am going to make a conscious commitment to them.  I might have done my CMI qualification but I'm not wanting to use it in that assumed way - but I'll never say never, it's just not my priority right now.  The CMI is and comes useful to my work, and captured a lot of my previous role.  So it was good to evidence my time there in that type of environment.  I'm lucky that my current and past roles and projects act as a sandpit allowing me to apply and test new approaches to build up confidence and competence. 

A messy, maungy and incoherent observational rant

Leaders/managers usually have a clear path they'd like to journey on and may take on extra opportunities/activities to help them along the way.  In an effort to keep their journey purposeful and specific to their career, not others careers.  It's important to question regularly why are they (you/me) doing this, who are they doing it for and what are you fighting for?  It's also important to recognise when things don't feel right for them/others and taking necessary action to rectify or remove/re-direct their selves/others from the situation.  Its also ok for leaders to be open in saying what they don't know or can't do.

I realise a leader is a figure to be looked upon and requires substantial 'followers', but I've seen many 'leaders' masking their confidence in knowledge or skill in an effort to show they 'know it', even pure arrogance; if you are an expert in something, they know more than you.  Or 'not needing support in this area' or to be seen as they know it all - retaining the 'all singing and dancing leader' being everything to everyone.  But in reality that is not sustainable.  Also, there are those that constantly (over a period of time) exert/bulldoze a pseudo leadership energy onto others in the effort to make people believe in them or to be seen - I know this is required to some extent.  They have an answer for everything.  And when asked pragmatic questions there's often a defensive response.  It's probably better known as an autocratic style - which I dislike and I can't work with or be lead by it.  Perhaps moderating and managing themselves wouldn't result in this.  Potentially worse; empathy overkill - those that can relate to literally everyone's experiences, through themselves or know someone closely, and have been in every situation/circumstance possible.  It may be true but it is highly disrespectful and condescending.  I've also experienced the overuse of big and complex words to gain power over others, i.e. to make you look like you know very little or to be inferior.  Especially when the words don't fit naturally in a conversation - don't use them.  I write as I would speak them verbally.  To me the 'fake it till you make it' is not a good practice and isn't authentic enough to be a true leader and is something I cannot buy into, I need to trust in their humanism and abilities that is much more than having conviction.  However, fake it till you make it is essentially building confidence and competence, which we all know helps somewhat in general, but I personally put genuine heart, soul and effort in to developing knowledge and to apply/embed it.  I also stand by that if you don't know something, you'll learn it in the situation/job.

I've noticed some use militarian language like 'stand down', in simple situations like when attention is no longer needed on something.  I personally find this type of language very demotivating and counterproductive.  I feel it's usually to make them superior in a situation, or long-term plans to be 'above' someone.  I've seen some leaders/managers divulge 'factful' character assessments aren't enough to sell me their high-level observation skills of others - quite the opposite, what do they say about you to other key players?  How colleagues describe you are a critical factor to how you perceive yourself.  Likewise, there are those that want to lead without a clear need for a leader, or to take something and run off with it without thinking it all through and what support and stakeholders are required etc.  I.e. when followship grows and they find it unmanageable, they start to attack.  When they should identify and work with stakeholders more effectively from the start - taking people with them on the journey.  I find it much more effective in building a supportive community to work towards a shared purpose.  However, some might only lead in the short-term if the activity/project boosts their name and profile.  But when the activity/project comes to end or goes wrong somewhat.  They are quick to disassociate from it (drop it and hide) and sometimes leave the organisation.  I.e. cause urgency and disruption (positive or negative reasons), obtain promotion, set up there 'stall', then leave with little thought into the long-term infrastructure to continue and support that 'urgent' work.  Which demonstrates that they are only interested in the prolific and name association nature of it, I.e. if it looks good on them and only has career benefits.  Not particularly interested in the actual support and empathy during and post activity/project.  Fake leadership?!  EDIT:  As said in my blog post 'Roots and beyond' "toxic workplace manipulation (negative controlling and influential behaviour and perhaps mind games veiled as strategy)".  EDIT: June 2025, could be defined as 'Dark empath'.  I think this is why many projects in universities fail (or don't amount to anything) as they are not being managed effectively pre, during and post.  Or employees spending too much time on managing their own managers to manage them.  Or are more into leadership than management and people management, and therefore default to hands-off/not managing people approach.  As I once got told, for fake-type leaders, ask how-based questions as they often haven't got that far in their thinking.  Just talking the talk, not walking walk.  I'm still amazed by this type of manager; don't proactively manage - it's in their title, and don't communicate properly and if something happens that negatively affects a project or business.  Arms are straight up in the air and then it becomes a noticeable problem to them!  When really they should have been managing the situation throughout and communicating with individuals.  Not waiting until something happens.  I'm often puzzled when job specifications state the criteria in being able to forecast issues and problems and be prepared to have solutions as they arise.  When in reality, this is often not required as many leaders/managers label issues and problems as unprecedented.  In the veil of ignoring the warning signs.   Again two different skillsets, but how effective is a leader in working with a manager?


A team or department full of leaders equally doesn't bode well, as they tend to fight for followers and somewhat attention, for both positive and negative reasons.  Resulting in counterproductive and counterintuitive productivity and outcomes.  Leadership is also not about overpowering and hindering people's contributions and demeaning them; abusing their position of power.  E.g. undermining others in order to make them look superior - disempowering and unsupportive leadership behaviour.  It might get some far though depending if their seniors/heads favour and encourage that kind of behaviour and if it's the kind of organisational/team culture and decision making they want.  I also don't believe that antagonistic behaviour brings out the best results in people either.  Especially depending how open you are to criticism, whether kindly or abrupt.  Though we need to remember to recognise and accept that stuff like this does happen in every workplace.  But it shouldn't be at the expense of others and undermine them and their growth in the process.  To me, a bad and dysfunctional leader is unnecessarily confrontational/defensive and belittles others in order to stand out as a leader.  Even if defined as a thought leader, that shouldn't give them the permission to trump others thoughts in the childish effort to be seen and heard - where's the inclusive leadership?  Inclusivity of others identities, ideas and perspectives should be at the heart.  To find out if you're being treated differently, a simple question you can ask yourself is, am I being treated and included in things fairly like others?  Whether it is your voice or presence.  As I alluded to earlier some people like to look to a leader and therefore applaud such 'proactivity', but has no substance or evidence of action.  However, I realise everyone is on their own journey, and have their own learning and plans/desires and wants to fulfil their potential.  I express myself as an open leader in stating my truths and experiences and welcome others and their perspectives.  It doesn't mean I have to agree with them all...  I may not be blessed with the 'gift of the gab' (doesn't interest me anyway), but I sure know my knowledge/specialisms, what I stand for and the value of working and listening to people.  It's a strange world management and leadership sometimes.  Funny how we often have negative experiences with it more than positive.  Maybe humans are their own worst enemy.  I talk more on this topic in the blog post 'Roots and beyond'.

I shared the following via social media that really resonated with me.

This video by Simon Sinek supports my stance on relational > transactional. 
 
"Because when we feel safe, when we feel that our leaders care more about us than a number. They care more about our lives and our confidence and our joy and our skillset.  More than some short-term gain."

I feel that many think the top goal is only to be a leader/manager to control people or thrive on their status, of which I have experienced much abuse of power.  It's not uncommon for someone with esteemed roles to abuse the power it brings.  As a result, it's often the little things that get forgotten and that matter the most.  Like making sure quieter and reflective people have a voice, people feel included, valued and appreciated, people have fair opportunities to develop themselves etc.  There's a strong element in developing and supporting people and helping/getting the best out of them, which is often an afterthought in the rat race to be superior to others.  I'm a natural people developer which comes from my strong underdog roots.  I'm still an underdog and always be and I'm proud of being one, I will always wave that flag to inspire others.  So this will always be at the forefront along with my other values.  Is the better leader/manager, to me, the one that brings people together, nurtures growth and progression and influencing from the middle, not just from the top-down?

Being in a leadership/manager role often leaves less room for creativity and hands on stuff, due to the primary objective of leading/managing.  Again, I have observed this and been told directly by others that they miss this aspect.  Some people also climb too quickly which can leave them feeling like there's no where to progress to and have to stay where they are for a long time.  Especially when on a higher or similar salary and can't accept anything lower and when higher roles are less available, it's hard to move around.  Which can all result in lack of motivation and productivity.  Or their ego becomes too big they cannot accept anything they view 'lower' than them and eventually get stuck of what and where to go next.  Or simply they have not yet developed the required skills to perform the role to expected quality.  I've seen many reach a leader/manager role early in their career and step down to senior roles later on.  May be that due to a goal fulfilled, a better work life balance or underestimating the requirements.  Likewise, some climbers prioritise their obtaining promotion agenda over CPD/qualifying, acquiring knowledge and skills and testing/practising these rapidly, often leading to a higher position due to success.  Then perhaps concentrating on CPD/qualifying later.  But to me, putting purely promotion before careful CPD/qualifications can lack demonstrating required knowledge and skills, with credibility.  Advisors/critical friends are often sought too, acting as a guide on the side.  Sounds like the government... And often is political like that as we know.  Though I think anyone can be successful and powerful in their own unique ways, especially when you have the right advisors and followship behind you.  Just like in medieval days when kings had their councils and individual advisors.  I've not had a solid on-the-job advisor for many years like some individuals have - I do miss that, but maybe the lesson here is that I can think independently and trust my own gut feelings.  I've forged my own career path and direction after all.  I continue to self-coach and self-lead, though I do have trusted external peers I can ask for advice and support.  Some even become leaders/managers accidentally or perhaps stealthily purposeful, i.e. got the job by association of knowing certain people (nothing wrong with that in general), but when the person is not experienced, qualified nor have the demonstrated people skills.  It doesn't usually work or end well in long run, resulting in more unnecessary stress and costs recruiting replacements.  To me, the true goal is not getting 'to the top', but the role that you are most happiest and comfortable in.  In the end, isn't that what we all end up trying to achieve?  That said, those jobs need doing - but are they giving them the heart they require?  If anything, these experiences have taught me not what to aspire to!

In an academic context, I find many lecturers or previous lecturers don't have management or leadership experience.  But heavily rely on classroom and course/module leadership.  Which in my opinion provides good foundations, but does not translate fully to managing and leading teams or departments.  Academics should not over rely on those qualities and learn and/or qualify appropriate knowledge and skills to better manage and lead people.

Where are the people developing tomorrow's people?  As sad and unsupportive as this sounds, in my career I have never had an inspirational manager, i.e. a team/department manager.  But can say I have been inspired by leaders.  Of course I have had supportive managers but not ones that you can look up to and say I'd want to be like them - but perhaps we shouldn't encourage that anyway, but to find out our own comfortable styles.  But there is benefits in identifying a good role model, which is very subjective and reflective on the type of person you are.  Aspects are admirable such as true care and active listening, but I've not had the 'whole package' - maybe that never existed in first place.  I could say the same for teachers, I've not had an inspirational teacher (within a course/programme) - not that there isn't any, I've just not had that fortunate experience like so many have really.  Leaders, managers and teachers have a critical role to play in encouraging and empowering people and not stifle them - whether that be due to laziness or an effort to hinder their growth.  I'm also cautious of those hollow leadership statements where they say inclusiveness and collaboration is at the core.  But when taking a closer inspection of the organisational/team culture the reality is that it is founded upon silo tendencies.  You can't change silo cultures until staff stop thinking, creating and working in their own silos.  I also feel a punch in the throat when  certain leaders/managers are identified as 'people caring/focused' when other employees may not receive such experience.  Alluding to the fact they care about certain people, therefore not being as inclusive as they make out to be.  I think being a leader/manager has been a purposeful life goal for me to fulfil - maybe the absence of role models is empowering me to be the person I'd like to be inspired by, be the beacon of empathy that lacks in so many people and roles.  It's not a trait I often see in leadership/management, but to me is the link to empowerment.

On the topic of not so good leaders/managers, over the Summer me and my close friend Stuart Greensmith White, School Business Manager, were having a chat about it and how this provokes imposter in workplace.  Anyway, he couldn't have put it any more clearly and bluntly...
“People have their own agendas, their own egos, and those type of people put you down on purpose.  Sometimes they feel threatened, other times they're just absolute b******s.  Works same if you're viewed as 'not part of team' or whatever.  It's hard but you just have to keep the self-confidence.  Think of all the things you've done and can still do. 

That's one thing they do fail to teach on these courses, at least the ones I did. 

I always see the people like that as the ones to definitely not emulate.  Do the opposite.  It's not always the easiest way of course!”
Something I do detest strongly is those that motivate, retain or obtain by making false promises.  I.e. stating succession/progression plans that never come to fruition.  I've been unfortunate to experience this twice.  Once a succession plan communicated over a couple of years.  Then during recruitment for a new role, sold ambitious plans which again related to future promotion.  Neither happened and is very cruel to say the least and a sloppy way to obtain candidate interest.  Oh well, look where it led me to in the end.

As I did with my teaching qualification, this time being a qualified leader and manager, here I am again being independent and inspiring myself to be what I think is missing and needed and in my own unique way that I will share with others.  As I've said in many situations and once in an interview (not sure how well it was received), I want to do the leadership/management job, not just for the title like many are lustfully attracted by.  🤭 Budgets and resources aside, I feel that's why quality in lots of products and services are rapidly reducing and lacking, as there is little sincerity in doing a good job, but more energy on finding and cutting corners and justifying them without real reasons.

Lead wholeheartedly

When I show acts of kindness and courage I see many surprised reactions.  Like why is he being so approachable in this situation like its not how I should be.  I do dial up my assertiveness/fiery red when I need to though... ðŸ˜‰ I have a unique wholehearted leadership approach which many workplaces are not receptive to, more so the egotistic natured ones.  But inevitably I strongly feel it's what people need - personal relationships, as I'm sure many want to feel connected, wanted, valued and appreciated by colleagues, clients, stakeholders, teams and managers.  Unless you're purely their for financial or career enhancing reasons and then this won't matter as much.  I guess its the teacher within me that also reinforces this wholehearted approach.  I use my vulnerabilities as a source of wisdom and to inspire and encourage others.  Leading with my supporting and encouraging nature - I always leave my ego at the door which is often something recognised and praised for.  I've seen much positive evidence of my wholehearted approach, especially those that are deeply reticent with me/expertise needed and have done the opposite as a result, in time!  The wholehearted approach is a 'style' that complements my personality well as I am an empathetic leader (personal support/ideas/direction), but knowing when to stand/step up and when not to (managing/compliance).  Whether if that is for reserving energy or allowing others to develop.  As like pedagogy in teaching, we need develop our own unique leadership styles that are appropriate to our personalities.  Listening to ourselves, taking inspiration from grounding theories and good practices we observe and adapting to our own situations.

I still believe that successful leaders are those that lead with their heart and do things for the greater good.  Not just for themselves or to be 'king of their castle'.  That has a shelf life both practically and mentally.  There's still a lack of empathy, encouragement and good ol' mucking in to help people.  I'm glad that I lead with clear intentions to make positive changes to help people be the best they can be, by being empathetic, listening and keeping on learning - and encouraging others to do this, I'm a lifelong learner at heart.  To me, a good leader is not afraid to challenge themselves or others to bring about positive change.  As I said recently:
New Year, new challenge - literally

Moving into the new year, I will be participating on the Jisc Digital Leaders Programme 12 January to 4 February 2021, with huge thanks to my manager approving.  Excited to be inspired and progress my leadership in all things digital learning, teaching and working.  I'm particularly looking forward to the challenge of feeding back my learning and findings to senior management.  This will surely put my influential abilities to the test!  Topics include:

  • Week 1 - Mapping digital
  • Week 2 - Digital transformation
  • Week 3 - Understanding your organisation
  • Week 4 - Pulling it all together

Both the CMI qualification and Jisc Digital Leaders will help reaffirm conviction (professional judgement) and credibility in my specialism.  Not that a qualification or CPD course is required to justify or ground your abilities, but being present in either proves that you're there for a purpose, not just by luck/transaction (however, I believe that if you work in education then you should trust the purpose of qualifications).  That said, I don't rest on my laurels and always seek to question my own knowledge and assumptions.  It's also important to keep true to yourself...  You know you're still grounded and not blinded by stars when you don't take compliments for granted and awkwardly get shy.

As well as revisiting the sections 'Leading with a message' and 'The Winner TakesGives It All' in the earlier blog post.  To reflect on my progress and to assess my current stance, I now ask myself going in to the New Year.  What is my mission, what specific professional principles, values and practices do I draw upon and why, how valid and authentic are they to me/my work, what do they serve me/my work, where are these best applied and how will I enlighten others through my application of them?  As I told my friend Stuart in a conversation recently:  "It's asking what are you trying to get to?  Why are you doing what you're doing that will lead to what?"

EDIT:  In June 2021...

My top manager - "Well done Dan, your dedication to CPD and keeping yourself current is admirable!"

Sussex Business School Ltd:

"Our Congratulations to @_Daniel_Scott on completing the CMI Level 5 Diploma in Management and Leadership. Our best wishes for the journey ahead! Want to supercharge your career? Check out our range of courses here: https://sbs-uk.online/see4yourself-3"


EDIT:  June 2025.  Well firstly, to acknowledge I have took some real growth in this space since this original blog post!  The following was going to be a separate blog post tentatively titled 'Dared to lead continued'.  That discussed my first couple of years being in my new leadership and management position.  But I decided to scrap this to avoid attention being drawn to it.  Plus I had lost enthusiasm to turn it into a truly reflective piece.  Therefore, I decided to share these as incoherent thought notes that were going to build up the said blog post.  As a reminder for myself, later in 2023 I achieved SFHEA and SCMALT.  I had many other great successes such as my Digital Curriculum Questionnaire, TILT VRIL group, IHAP Digital Learning Strategy, finalist award etc.  I had such a good year in 2023 and definitely excelled in my leadership.  Something I didn't think I had in me, and is growing exponentially.

Was good to reflect on these:

I was very much still in support mode for a couple of months until I got my colleague.  That's when I changed in tact and became more authoritative with my voice and how I present myself, and managed my time and priorities better.  Looking to some my role models in the learning technology field and my own Head of Department.  With a little emphasis on my open and direct self.

I need to remember that even if I was doing strategic aspects in my previous role, but I was only appointed in this role in March 2023 and only got a team mid that year.  I didn't have the capacity to make big changes.

I have been hosting a fair few external VR wall/building visits recently.  I still need to work on my mental and thought workflow of what I am articulating and clearly and with conviction.  I may appear a manager/leader to some, but do I act like one?  But is there a certain 'look' a manager/leader has nowadays.  It's more about what they are saying and doing.  I'm not the best at articulating myself verbally. but I am a powerful thinker and introspect/reflector.

Though I can be my worst critic and enemy at times.  I need to remember I am still on a journey too, a journey of learning and developing as a leader and manager.  A reminder that we are not born with all this knowledge and skills, we develop them through planned and serendipitous experiences and reflecting on those experiences.  And I think I do that really well, just as I am reflecting here now.

High-quality reflection and self-awareness are key and responding and communicating effectively.  Mastering delegation and protecting head space for strategic and operational thinking.

But I am doing a great job in the challenges and new experiences I am being faced with, and I'm still a one-man-band at that point.

We're all on a journey aren't we; discovering, learning, making mistakes, learning, unlearning.  We're human after all, no one is nothing knowing and doing it all.

First time managing adults, in my first official manager role.

I try to be organised but I need to accept this process of managing people is messy often not as controlled as I'd like it to be.

I have presence of control and being over efficient, but that's due to working solo for years.

What I really like about my Digital Curriculum Manager role, is that I have the creative freedom to take lead and grow within my remit.  I don't have an official mentor guiding my leadership, I'm developing through my own experience which is very empowering.

This role is great for me to develop and grow further in my digital, academic and strategic leadership.

When re-writing job description for my colleague.  I explicitly stated that the Digital Curriculum Support and Developer job specification they will support me with my work and my vision.  Under my leadership, this is what we can achieve.

We became a two-person team.  Well in a romantic relationship this is declared a team. So why not here?

Line managing someone else and working with someone else changes my dynamic, after working solo for quite some time.  Even in my previous role, we were a team, but the culture was to work in silos.  Then I was solo in previous learning technologist role, so I am excited to be working with a colleague and shaping a well-rounded small team.  So its been years and I'm keen to lead and develop a team culture.

Used to motivating and managing myself, now I'll do that in some respect to others.  But I will bring about new practices in me and upping my managerial disposition.

Managing my expectations, given my high proactivity.  But maybe I can be a bit impatient.

I find it it is harder to do team building with two people and feel more as a collective.

I have learned in my position there is less tangible outputs, the instant achievement kind, more my colleague now, but more strategic in inspiring and managing change and getting things moving and progressing.

My colleague has had some significant successes, some of which were directed by me but I did not receive any credit.  However this is part of leadership in allowing others to fulfil those visions and allow them to take the credit in making them a reality.

Not everyone should have the high proactivity levels like me, as that is a sign of how I have developed myself to where I am now.  That sounds very egotistic of me but I need to acknowledge this truth.  I have realised that others don't have this obsessive but diligent quality like me.  Means that this is unique to me and my story.

I have also learned that how I view my own proactivity, I make the judgement that others can achieve such things.  One example of this was my colleague had wanted to achieve AFHEA.  But I suggested they should aim for FHEA instead.  I made this judgement on their years experience of being in HE, but in reality they didn't have a lot of evidence to support FHEA.  Thus adding more onto their workload that they might not have wanted, though it wasn't commented on negatively.  But the proactive person in me would be all over it, but not everyone is like that.  And I need to remember this.  That might sound a bit big-headed, but not intended to, but I guess it is a gift of mine.  And if this is true, then perhaps it is part of my gift to channel it in a way that gives others capacity to learn and grow, should they want to aim higher.  Not to create another me.  But I don' think that is a bad thing, it's setting a standard for how I want my previous role to behave and function.  But encouraged to make it their own within that boundary.

I experienced some heavy colleague complications with motivation and productivity.  It made me feel like I am bringing worse out in people - but I know not this to be true as I have too much heart and care in my intentions.  But I look back and I am being objective to the expectations and standards of the role.  Or are my standards too high - or am I getting him to be like me?  Not a bad thing though, good qualities.

Learning not to be so repetitive and let mistakes go as examples, but I do need to use them objectively where required.  But it shows that this is part of my personality as I do this in my personal life.

Getting to know people is key here and how they work and prefer to be managed.

“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” – quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt.   Allegedly spoken at the close of a 'Fireside Chat' on 14 April 1938.

Setting SMARTs has been a clear change for me, and my expectations on that.  But that could link back to how I set my own SMARTs, so I need to use this as an opportunity to change the way I do my own SMARTs.

It is important to get to know people to understand their motivations and productivity of work.  Some will be proactive and go beyond, and some need more guidance and support.

Some leadership and management situations allow you to grow from them.  I've had some recent examples where it has changed the way I approach things such as...  Not being too directive, but allowing others to develop their own thinking and approaches.

Confirms that I am supportive and nurturing.  And as Gary says, maybe I am the type of manager he needed.  I care.  I could not bother but I do.

I need to praise and credit myself for being an empathetic and adaptive manager, that maintains my authority when and where required.

I'm an effective communicator; updating people on everything and across agreed mediums.  I may over do it but my timing is impeccable and like to think the comms don't get lost, and if they do I can easily bring threads up.

Learning to delegate and empower autonomy, and him updating me.  Not wanting to micro manage. Be more me than performative, not that I was being fake, but more serious than it required.  I'm not being fake though, just professional which doesn't always feel natural to me as I can't be fully me, so it is forced somewhat.

Still authentically me, younger than my years, not being someone that I am not, proud of my realistic working class roots from a ex-mining town upbringing.

I still think people expect me to be older looking in this role.

I created manager's space with two other professional services managers in the department.  As a source of peer support - no obligation.  It has been successful and helpful.

The need to refer back to my own CMI material as I completed.

A new manager to me is very much like a new parent.  You do the courses, reading, seeking advice, models etc.  And in my case, build on previous line management and mentoring experience.  But you're somewhat never ready, perhaps this is because the role and skills need to be immediately applied.  You don't get a training period like in teacher training building confidence and competence.  So like many you curate the knowledge, adapt to the situation.  Then apply, reflect on the experience and learn what worked and what needs to change.

I've noticed I am more conscious of how I am presenting and articulating myself, more than I was before which was relentless.  The challenge continues, as it did in my support role before this, in selling the benefits of what I am here to do, building trust and relationships.  The job title definitely raises importance, as well as the duties it carries.  However, I am glad I have remained me and not turned into an bloated ego.

As I heard in a movie recently, words to this effect; when a mother has a child, they aren't instantly mothers.  They become mothers throughout the journey.  Whilst this is not my case, having previously being experienced in management and qualified before my official role.  And if it is to be believed that the majority of people aren't formally trained or qualified before getting a management role, then the same could apply here.  You become and learn to be one.  I was able to use my qualification but I wouldn't say embed it properly until I had my official team.   But it can be argued that does obtaining a qualification actually teach you.  Like some qualifications, the CMI did didn't teach me how to become a great manager, but give me foundational knowledge and tools to build my skills once practicing those duties.  The real teaching is doing it and reflecting on that experience.  But yes you do need qualifications for many valid reasons.

Team dynamic is going well and still developing team processes to keep track of projects etc through planner.  But going well, stop and start as I said it would be though.

In a lunchtime chat with my intern I had in Summer 2023, he said that I had a good balance of personability/approachability and professionalism.  Easy to talk to.  Really nice to have such feedback, and be reminded of my kind and supportive spirit.  I said that's just my authentic style, no matter the environment, I try to be me as much as possible.  I can be hard -faced but it wouldn't be true to me, wouldn't make me happy and wouldn't contribute to a nice culture.

"Daniel aids me in my role by teaching me how to use the learning tools within H5P, coordinating ideas for video footage to be filmed in a 360-video format, and other tasks.  Daniel is a fantastic manager, who is clear in the outcomes he’d like me to achieve and always give me kind and critical feedback on my performance in tasks.  Along with this, he is a very kind colleague towards me who shows genuine care towards my personal and professional wellbeing."

"I wanted to say thanks again for the internship.  It really opened my mind to other career paths that are better for me.  Plus, it's looked great to employers, so it's helped me in IT job hunting a lot!"

I'm obviously doing well and should carry on with what I am doing and that direction.

I recognise I have strong collaborative leadership style and strategic planning skills.

My language in how I communicate has definitely changed, more leadership-like.  But this could be seen as adult language and responsibility developing further.

I have also noticed that my disposition has changed, well has been since mid in my role as Digital Practice Adviser.  Where I led with little or no instruction, but have come to realise I need to bring back a bit of asking 'shall I?' to avoid any boundary crossing.

I have noticed that I am thinking and and responding in a more leadership and management way.  And holding myself back from my usual super proactive ways, but now approaching things more careful and considerate.

I liked to be liked as a manager, helps with motivation and job satisfaction.

I'm still finding my leadership style, but this is something that will always evolve, as like teaching styles.

I do get quite anxious and feel inadequate, guess it's because I am out of my comfort zone somewhat and in newer territory.  I just need to be honest, ask for what I need, manage people's expectations, and ask how I should communicate with people, understand boundaries.

I am sure other managers and leaders get anxious, especially when speaking to seniors as hierarchy.  And get imposter syndrome badly, but I just learnt o silence it.  I have to continue, onwards and upwards.

Work on public speaking and maybe consider media training provided by NTU.  Though with public speaking, I may appear awkward and do things different from the norm - it is not my forte.  Proud to be different, and doing things differently.  Only way change is made.  As I usually say, I am  not an entertainer, and much better at communicating non-verbally like writing.  Well, I must be doing something right to achieve all I have at this stage in my career.

In my role now, that I have my colleague embedded fully and settled into the role expectations, I can now able to reflect and concentrate on my leadership role.  My approaches and own professional development of it.  Which the coaching is supporting with.  And because of this, I am breaking down the limiting beliefs I have and its creating a new energy within me.

I feel my leadership is growing exponentially.  And I feel that is due to the autonomy of my role and environment.  I get support when asked, but I wouldn't say I am being nurtured.  The leadership questionnaire feedback I received from my department evidences this.  This was a suggestion in my coaching sessions.

I do think I am very person/individual-focused, as I genuinely listen, let people speak and then I'll input.  Sometimes it is hard and blunt as some things need to be, and other times it is more cautious and I'll admit my vulnerability in that due to sensitivity and nature of whatever it may be.  I've had to deal with some really confrontational and thorny issues, and yes I probably haven't been as tactful at times, but it has resulted in positive change.

I was reminded on LinkedIn of the Task Owner, Authority, Success, Checklist (TASC) framework in Brené Brown's Dare to Lead book.  I will revisit.

More focus time built into my schedule - space to digest, think and plan.

Take inspiration from Matt Cornock's blog post 'A leadership framework for online and digital education: adapting ALT Framework for Ethical Learning Technology'.  Using his questions to explore my leadership.

Book: Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout
Want to develop in this role learn and master new leadership and management skills, before I consider moving onwards.  But I am happy here and in my own space.  Refer back to this and the skills matrix I developed.

How New Managers Can Become More Confident [12 Great Tips]

15 Tips To Build Confidence As An Introverted New Manager

Whilst I have been in this leadership position it has come with its challenge of dealing with my self-belief and confidence.  Embracing my vulnerability, passion for my personal and professional development and growth, and the value I bring to our department.  Therefore, I reflect and seek feedback on my leadership and perceptions of it, which also supports the personal coaching I am receiving at NTU.  In December 2024 I seeked anonymous feedback from staff in my department by responding to 5 questions.  Whilst this is uncomfortable but an important thing for me to do, it allows me to personally reflect on the responses and make necessary changes to my leadership.  Below are some selected extracts that I have received and that also demonstrates my vision and my independent strategic leadership is consistent, valued and having impact.  I found the feedback initially comforting and that I am leading well, silencing the imposter within me.  Moreover, again it also confirms a change in perception of a learning technologist role.

A realisation, I guess that's why I have become a successful leader, for that reason, I lead well and often without instruction.  Some people don't have this ability or have a higher degree quality of it.

How would you describe what I stand for?

  • “Quality”
  • “Desire to raise the bar with our digital curriculum, across all our programs”
  • “If you asked me what you stand for a couple of years ago, I would have probably said the VR and PebblePad guru. After working closely with you on a number of projects, I would say you stand for innovating and digitalising nursing and other health related courses within the IHAP. More metaphorically, you are the GPS for our department giving us direction and the knowledge required for taking the course to the next level in terms of technological innovation.”
  • “I see you as someone who upholds high standards of quality in your work. Your commitment to excellent results ensures that our output reflects professionalism and attention to detail, which sets a very strong benchmark.”
  • “You have the understanding and knowledge and overview of how all the courses fit intogether interms of their digital structure as well as the control of the function of the courses IT wise. You have the responsibility of keeping the departments IT platforms working for the staff and students as well as being creative with digital ideas and the development of resources using technology. this includes the understanding of such technology such as the AR room which is verys specialised.“

What do you think are my strengths?

  • “Organisation; setting boundaries around your time and that of your team; clear, concise, succinct communication…”
  •  “Translating our "ask" into what is actually possible - you help us develop a vision into reality!”
  • “Organisation, communication, patience, reliability, composure, attention to detail,...”
  • “I think for me, your main strength would be your consistency, even in challenging situations. Your ability to maintain focus to deliver results, regardless of external pressures. Whether it's with the VR room or other issues that come with the job, you always show a reliability and steadiness that is truly inspiring.”

What skills/areas do you think I could develop further to be more effective in my job and a better colleague?

  • “Continuing to grow subject specific knowledge about our courses and team members. This is proving really helpful for collaborative working and building digital resources together. Really great, keep it up.”

Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you to work with me?

  • “No. On the contrary, I think you often go the extra mile and I appreciate that.”

Is there anything else that you would like to share with me?

  • “I love that we have our own digital support team. There are so many benefits and growth that can happen in this area to improve student learning experience, our teaching methods and abilities. I know not all departments have this, its a privileged really.”

A change with action

Originally planned as it's own blog post, but I decided to place it here instead.  This was written directly after an incident in the workplace, to capture my raw feelings and experiences.  Very reminiscent of the blog post 'Pragmatism, criticality and d**ks'.

After a tough (emotional) week, last week of November 2025.  And a couple of weeks prior, I have noticed an emotional change in me.  I have become more anxious of confrontational conversations, even micro-aggressions.  Whilst I keep my standard composure, I am at an age now where it takes a lot out of me and leaves me feeling anxious, or anxious ahead of what can potentially be uncomfortable conversations.  This is nothing to do with being viewed as an overly sensitive or delicate person, because I can be assertive and blunt, but never intentionally rude or aggressive.  I just have more human-centered values.  And previously experiencing severe workplace bullying/intimidation and toxic workplace manipulation, I know what this looks like.  I mean in this day and age is it ok for employees to be shouted at?  Yes it could be a 'bad moment', but there is a consistent pattern with said person in this example.  Does it really need to come to that?  As a manager I can be firm but never reached shouting levels.  Maybe because I am a very approachable person, I might be an easy target to through the anger at.  Not acceptable.  This is more related to the nature of complex and confrontational conversations in my current work, and some personal life situations.  And trying to best navigate these to understand, but also not feel I am being intimidated through fear or negative judgement of character and my responses if I don't 'say the right things'/'expected responses' and at an instant rate.  All of that comes back to my lack of verbal vocabulary and articulation and educational upbringing.  Which I know might be annoying and frustrating to some.  Especially as I am often labelled monotone.  Respect is earned.  I don't abuse my personal ethics and values.  However, there just should be more patient, care and sensitivity, and people adapting themselves to how I am responding.  I.e. if I am not being confrontational/aggressive, then it doesn't deserve that in return.  Yes at times I may not use the right word and phrase or in an academic Plain English and use the wrong odd word. it shouldn't anger people.  I don't come to work to be treated like this.  And I am acutely aware of not labelling myself a victim archetype.  I do find there is a lot of people cutting people off before they have finished or finish their sentences.  Its rude and not proper empathetic conversations skills.  It's especially disappointing when some individuals come from a related healthcare profession.  I question is this how they treat(ed) patients?  Perhaps this is why I stand out as I have a high degree of empathy, practice and active listening abilities.  Coupled with my emotional intelligence, intuition and ability to read body language.

If neurodivergent, dyslexia, grief and trauma can be respected amongst inclusive colleagues.  Why is not patience when someone finds it hard to express, articulate and choose the ‘right words’?  It seems to be treated differently and disregarded.

Luckily I usually respond with a fight response of tactfully holding people accountable.  I'm glad I am like this rather than flight, cowering in fear.  Though I could walk away and forget about it, but after all the years of ridicule and suppression and people not being accountable for their actions, my body and spirit won't let me - it responds how I think I should.  Though I am mindful of choosing your battles and not holding onto negative energy, but some things need to be voiced, especially when it's things that are not ok and step over the boundary.

If I can maintain my composure and position, I'll be exercising my right to question, with specific people, if there is a appropriate psychological safety before entering any conversation.  Otherwise I will not be entering those conversations, or better, I will leave them if they occur during a conversation.  And instill some uncomfortable self-reflection and potentially an apology, that might be more damaging to their egos, as reflection and sensitivity does not come natural to them.  Stating why and I won't engage with the individuals until an appropriate apology is given.  Which there most likely won't be as its less likely present in the workplace to avoid being accountable.  In it's wake, highlighting the inappropriate of individuals and allowing any others to witness this.  Maybe my values no longer match my work environment.  Not to self-shame, but maybe there is an aspect that I did this to myself in part, as I pushed myself out of my comfort zone into places and situations I weren't naturally meant to be in.

After doing some light research and asking the question "Can you get Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from years of complex and intense work meetings?"  It is possible, more so Complex PTSD (C-PTSD).  I've not done a deep dive on this yet and considered support.  But being self-aware I know the change in me.  Whilst I maintain my position of not being intimidated, no BS and challenging inappropriate behaviours, it is the ruminating on all of the aggressive and hostile situations over the years and finally catching up with me and I'm left thinking, these things really did happen to me.  In the last year (as well as a previous role and team, which I termed toxic workplace manipulation, and a laptop slammed in front of me), I have challenged passive aggressive, 'put down' and unsupportive behaviours, and by senior leader roles.  Especially when some know my support needs - which could be seen as bullying or harassment (unkind words or behaviour).  I'm not scared of the titles or roles, as I see what's behind them, and its a human, a person, who has their own vulnerabilities and insecurities, and often projecting and taking anger out on others.  Of which some might deem inappropriate for the workplace or a disrespect for authority - but this is what I naturally see, not forced, and I can quickly say is bullying, intimidating and toxic people and workplaces appropriate?  Absolutely not.  This comes from a person, me, who has been severely bullied and intimidated when I first entered the world of work.  As well as years of experiences of ridicule and judgement.  And I later vowed to challenge such behaviour through my voice, it's unacceptable and intolerable.  Perhaps after all of these years of abuse and ridicule, its no wonder I have proven and developed myself the way I have.  And maybe this is why I am still writing about this, because it is still part of my story.  My voice still trying to make itself known and fight fire with fire when being attacked.  Fortunately, my sleep has not been affected, but my mood and energy has, but now with added anxiety, possible in the form of PTSD.  Yes this is my responsibility to manage, but it does not mean that people can be d**ks.

Some selected AI comments below that resonate, I have emboldened the bits that I know are affecting me.

Key Factors in the Workplace Context:

  • Chronic Exposure: Years of ongoing, high-pressure, or hostile interactions in meetings can have a cumulative psychological impact, activating the body's fight-or-flight response over time.
  • Perceived Threat and Inability to Escape: A key component of trauma is the feeling of being trapped or unable to escape the distressing situation. In a work setting, this can manifest as job insecurity, power imbalances, or a lack of support from management or HR.

Symptoms:

  • Re-experiencing: Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, or flashbacks related to the meetings/work environment.
  • Negative Alterations in Mood and Thinking: Feelings of detachment, persistent negative self-perception (worthlessness, self-blame), inability to feel positive emotions, or difficulty trusting others.

February 2026 - Reflection is my most powerful and useful skill as a leader.
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Monday, 30 November 2020

Essential Digital Skills - sound bites from a panellist

On 25 November 2020, I was invited by Mary Moss and Dawn Buzzard to be a panellist along with Jackie Lewis and Emma Langlois.  To discuss the challenges of delivering Essential Digital Skills qualifications (EDS Q), with a particular emphasis on pathway-specific theme preparation for life and work.

My involvement with EDS Q includes:

  • I am an active External Quality Assurer for the awarding body Ascentis and will be overseeing EDS Q.  I also scrutinised Entry Level 3 and Level 1 EDS Q Multiple Choice Questions (MCQs).
  • Reviewed and advised on The Education and Training Foundation's EDS modules that are available on their Enhance platform.  I also reviewed the accompanying learning guides; English spoken as another language (ESOL) and preparation for life and work (PLW).

Post session Mary Moss added:

"Dear Daniel, Jackie and Emma,

Very many thanks for a really excellent session today.  It went down very well, many positive ‘thank yous’ in Chat.  Your contributions were much appreciated, and I think the session felt coherent with topics running into one another and your comments referencing each other’s points.  There was a lot of interesting information exchange and hopefully we can build on this for the future, extending the conversation on the Community of Practice.  I think everyone went away feeling better informed about EDS Q, and feeling they had gained ideas in relation to challenges of moving teaching online and to blended programmes.  Some really great advice and helpful tips from everyone, delivered in a very friendly accessible and professional manner!

I have really enjoyed working with you on this, and appreciate your time and effort in preparation as well as in the session today."

In turn we responded to three main questions, except question three for me as I wasn't required for it.  I had a focus on learning design aspects to determine synchronous and asynchronous approaches.  Below is a recording of my responses to the questions asked in the panel session - however, as the session failed to record, this is a 'simulated' version recorded on 30 November 2020.  Extremely annoying, especially when there was such good contributions and energy throughout.  Plus I much preferred my flow in the original and I didn't have connectivity issues!  But hey, it happens.  What is absent from this new recording is discussion from me on digital wellbeing during the asynchronous piece.  I also emphasised creating more asynchronous opportunities in an effort to reduce both learner and tutor being online too much.  So perhaps pre-recording teaching sessions in bitesize chunks and facilitating a Q&A around them.  Or perhaps using H5P to embed the videos and overlaying with rich interactive questions to challenge and check learning throughout.


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Monday, 26 October 2020

Imposter - phantom in self or environment?

During mine and Gary's recent trip to Lakes, a conversation occurred around how different people we might be if we were raised differently to what we have been.  Obviously yes depending on the influence and experiences you have had.  Gary went on to say how I have nurtured my own personal and professional development (especially since leaving secondary school) as that's not always been offered or given easily as some might have, I fought for my education - more in 'What working class means to me'.  This led onto other conversations how people downplay themselves which links to imposter syndrome.

Firstly, I suffer terribly from imposter.  Secondly, I am brave in talking about this topic as to some people view it as a weak characteristic, there's no room for self-doubt or you shouldn't let people know it as they may take advantage of you or limit future progression/potential.  Thirdly, I'm an educator and am really open person in talking about such delicate personal development things (you'll know what I mean if you are familiar with my open reflective writing).  Everyone experiences imposter in some shape or form, whether some hide it better than others, or are too proud to admit it or think it'll ruin their reputation.  The fact is we ALL experience it - as like anxiety everyone experiences feelings of imposter in different degrees.  If someone says they don't experience this or haven't then they are fooling themselves and have truly crafted 'blagging it'.  Ignoring and recognising are two different things - ignoring is choosing not to realise and acknowledge it whilst recognising is accepting it with an attempt to control/deal with it.

I am generally positive on negative experiences though, as I feel they are lessons in disguise. There is something to be consciously learnt about myself, the opposition or the situation itself.  Negative experiences are just as powerful as positive experiences, depending on your perspective of them. They can help you determine what you want and how it should be.

In many jobs we act, perform and perhaps pretend to know what you are doing in the roles we take, the latter is fine for developing confidence and competence to a certain extent.  Well that's what we have to portray in an interview, that we're initially capable of doing the job but then surely we must be supported once in the organisation, by both people and development opportunities?  However, there is those that just want to go in to the job and require less support, i.e. to lead their agenda and use an organisation to further it and themselves.

Ok, so imposter syndrome has many aspects, but what I talk about here is around the following themes:

  • Feelings of self doubt and threatened by others intelligence/competence
  • Find it difficult to accept work-related compliments
  • Compare yourself to others 'success' and think you're lacking

So starting off with a previous blog post extract on the topic 'DarkLight Phoenix - rising to the surface':

As I am maturing in HE, my self-belief in my own confidence and abilities are growing stronger.  Recently, I was reminded by a colleague I can, do and have led well. Just before the release of my book I said to my friend "I'm not ready for it at all. I learn along the way."  My close friend Stuart Greensmith White, School Business Manager then said to me, "Well, you've coped and built on everything you've had thrown at you so far, I don't think you have much to worry about!"  It's an odd one this as I know that I am awesome 😉 and put heaps of effort into what I do.  Then at times I feel like a fake in my abilities, which is not how you should treat yourself.  However, if someone said that I was s**t at what I do, they'd be left knowing not to ask me that again that's for sure.  Maybe I have 'imposter syndrome'?  Well, I think everyone has different degrees of this within them.  I self doubt a lot and feel a fraud, like I'm not as good as I sometimes think I am and can always be better - mostly when I compare stuff to others, mainly at work though not personal life.  My experience/symptoms of imposter syndrome are genuine, not modesty acting as a blanket to protect me.  Recently I said "We all feel insecure about aspects of our professionalism at some point, if not daily. Even those that appear at ease will be insecure about something. You can't be human otherwise. I often worry about how I articulate myself & dare I say it, compare myself against others...it's the 'impostor syndrome' thing...".
We may see other people and think wow they're incredible then immediately think how you should or could be like that.  But it's important to realise that you don't know how they were inspired/became like that, maybe they were inspired just like you were seeing them.  Plus a lot of folks do use their platforms and social media to vent on their personal passions, which is not always the truth, they just appear more persuasive/convicted in their language and stance without being factual.  We've all been there in a heated debate!  A strong reminder though, don't try to be someone you are not, just be you as it's much harder to imitate.  A thought - perhaps imposter syndrome is about doing things that are not genuinely us.  The feelings we get from this is our soul telling us it's not right?  Well either way, a good thing in imposter syndrome is that we continuously look to improve our abilities.
...So, enough of self doubting.  With a little spur from a BBC article I read, I'll: continue to be open about my feelings of this with others; recognise my successes - it's not all just luck and effort but my abilities; continue to learn from failures as they are successes in disguise; try not to compare myself to others but where I was this time last year.

In a recent meeting I noticed I somewhat downplayed myself in my choice of language.  It made me think what triggered it, was it personal, environmental or a mix of both?  Left feeling unsettled it had happened or allowed myself for it to happen - but guess I wanted to be open too, as I usually am.  It led to me to ponder and post the following on Twitter and LinkedIn, curious of the responses I might get from the wider world:

Teams/workplaces that don't embrace a #culture of #openness in #vulnerabilities & #support & are often outweighed by individualistic tendencies. Breeds & encourages unnecessary #impostersyndrome. What top tips would you suggest for people overcoming it?

#Courageousleadership

Below are the responses I got from my post, whilst not many the viewing stats were enormous, proving that people were silently interested in the topic.
Kelly Trivedy - "Open conversations with those whom you feel comfortable talking to.  Make time to process it and know that usually, you're not alone. Grab a coffee and catch up (virtual works too!)"

 Me - "Great points Kelly!  The first one can often be the biggest challenge as it depends on mutual trust.  And totally agree with not being alone, most if not all of us experience it in different ways and levels. Though some disguise/hide it better than others."

Tracey Lee - "...I'm not sure our environment can 'cause' imposter syndrome, although an unhealthy culture certainly won't help."

 Me - "It's a very interesting topic indeed Tracey, especially what triggers it!  I guess it depends on what we define as our environment and what we see as positives, negatives, empowering and disempowering within it.  It is very much a personal feeling or attitude and how we view ourselves.  But I do feel the culture and strong egos influence such behaviours in which some may compare themselves to.  On other hand you could say it depends how strong and assertive you are as a person in brushing it off?  Emptying thoughts..."

Mosaic Collaborative - "Daniel, I was thinking along the same lines of Tracey.  To create a healthy culture that recognizes and addresses #impostersyndrome, it definitely takes all leaders modelling the vulnerability of mistakes, failures, made-up stories and our individuality."

Matthew Harrington - "Total transparency and openness is an absolute godsend when it comes to tackling imposter syndrome, for me at least.  That requires an environment and mindset that is accepting of critical feedback.  How can you possibly believe that you deserve to be where you are without trustworthy external validation?  For someone lauding your efforts to feel truly genuine, you have to know that they'd also be willing to hold you accountable if you could've done something better.  I was sceptical of the concept of 'radical candor' when I first encountered it, as I am of most buzzwordy management things, but it genuinely works and helps immensely with feeling like you deserve to be where you are.  Care personally, challenge directly.

A lot of companies do this very wrong - they either crack down hard on poor performance and nothing else, ruling by fear, or they constantly blow smoke up their favoured employees until they have bloated egos, feel like imposters... or both."

Me - "Some really great points there Matthew.  The accountable bit is heartening, especially for those that find it hard to see/hear validation.

If challenging directly, hopefully this is approached as positive constructive criticism.  Not everybody/everything needs to be in agreement, but at least approached in a supportive manner."

Lou Mycroft - "Brilliant post Dan.  My views on workplace cultures have been utterly transformed by reading Brene Brown.  David Price’s new book has some stimulating case studies from Brewdog to XP School, shows what can be done - and the impact of leading with heart and values."

Me - "Thanks Lou, I've yet to digest more of Dare to Lead.  I just know I connect more to heart and values.  We're all in it together so why not be more open about our challenges?"

Bhavya Aggarwal - "Couldn't agree more Daniel, it is very hard to be vulnerable and open when the overall culture does not reflect openness.  And a lot depends on how you can create the trust and respect through conversations."

Me - "Thank you Bhavya.  There's a place for non-vulnerabilities stuff - plus its not for everyone as some may find it uncomfortable as it requires you to look inwards and 'expose' yourself to some degree, which some may view as weak.  However, I feel people would value, progress and connect more personally and professionally by being open about their challenges and struggles in order for others to visibly and better support or signpost to their needs.

And yes I agree the right safe space and place is crucial to nurturing those conversations."

Kevin Campbell-Wright - "Ain't that the truth."

I do believe hostile environments and similar tendencies in people bring out imposter more prominently.  Even if it's as simple as dealing with louder and more dominant people.  Basically, if you don't have the support and encouragement from people, then of course you will feel unsupported, unappreciated, undervalued etc.  I.e. if you're in a highly autonomous environment which lacks a true 'reaching arm of support' to other team members it becomes individualistic.  As well as seniors not challenging such behaviours in staff and being guided/influenced by such traits from their own managers.  Where's the empathy, compassion and spirit of helping others to be the best they can be?  It increasingly appears to be something that is only present in a classroom cultivated by a teacher...  Although I do realise this is the 'real world' - but should it be and do you want it to be?  It's important to remember though that this, imposter etc, is your responsibility to own and manage and not push onto others in an attempt to re-direct it.  Likewise, everyone needs to manage their egos and energy they project onto others; other creators of imposter.  Own your imposter and be your own beacon of positivity in your efforts with it.  To reinforce my point about hostile environments, ask yourself:

  1. Did you feel like this in previous organisations?
  2. What is the current attitude of the organisation/team in talking about such innate topic?
  3. Do you feel comfortable in talking about this with people/your team?
  4. Can you identify anyone in your organisation whom you trust to talk to and perhaps support you?
  5. If someone identified and approached you as a trustworthy person to speak about it, how would you respond?
  6. Do you fear any negative consequences as a result of talking about it?

To me, basically, if you can't talk about your vulnerabilities and insecurities to colleagues in an effort to be supported, then in my opinion it is not a great place to be working in.  It is a dangerous ingredient towards a toxic workplace.

Maybe you don't want to talk about it, but you should, as that helps us to be even more human and we are all vulnerable in some shape or form regardless of your title, status, upbringing etc.  Seeing each others vulnerabilities allows us to support those who we work closely with much better and know their strengths, capabilities and areas for development in much more detail and identify their future potential.  The latter, well that could be what threatens some people in which the hostile environment is created?  I remember in a team meeting once where I opened up the airwaves, in a structured way, for us to talk about any professional challenges/struggles we are/were experiencing.  To my surprise two colleagues opened up very quickly about some current feelings and it felt great (to me) that we were communicating and connecting more deeply.  Although it was well-received sadly it wasn't pursued to continue, but was revealing for us in that occasion at least.

Yes you could say there's an element of deflecting responsibility of how you feel towards others, I.e. blame.  But if the hostile environment stuff wasn't there would it still trigger such behaviour?  Its like yes you have to have presence of imposter, whatever degree, but then the environment acts as a catalyst in developing and amplifying it.

I feel imposter is situational, by that for example I mean you could experience it or not through synchronous conversations with people or asynchronous reading a post/documentation for someone.  Whatever triggers off expertise comparison of some kind.  A plus side to imposter is that if you do compare to others and one of them is someone you highly regard.  If they do something and the outcome is not what you expected of them, i.e. of falls flat or didn't work etc.  Then that can give you a sense of self-worth that even the 'mighty' don't always get it right.  Everyone has success and failures, and is not about gloating on that but recognising we are humans and we make mistakes, even if you think you're incapable of making them.

I've noticed that there's less effort in people fostering better relationships.  I realise not everyone needs/has to be best friends, but it is better to capture that conflict and turn/reframe it into creative and constructive criticism.  Perhaps this can reduce such self doubt in people?  Could it be that people are threatened by other's potential and are finding ways to inhibit them, both verbally and practically, to confine their enthusiasm and energy?  Conversely, perhaps it's not just one way, the 'victim'/recipient may be ambitious and stubborn, refusing to be beaten by others?  Additionally, maybe when you lack belief in your own knowledge and where praise, appreciation/acknowledgement and credit should be given and is not, they can also add to these inadequate feelings.  I know this helps me a lot in reaffirming my abilities.  It doesn't have to be overdone or for the sake of it, but little and often helps.

It's tough out there, so remember: keep true to who you are; everyone experiences this; some are supportive to others whilst some choose to hide it in different ways; and most importantly try to be quick in talking yourself out of the feelings.  You know you're awesome at what you do!

EDIT:  

I found an unpublished piece for the JoyFE magazine that is relevant to this topic:

Having worked in FE for 7 years, to me, I have realised how important and vital the FE family-like relationships are to feeling a sense of belongingness, self-worth and achievement.  Sometimes in a highly autonomous individualistic work environment it can lack empowerment of others and supportive cultures, in an attempt to maintain territories.  Do not underestimate and take for granted the value of true team spirit when everyone pulls together to share hearts and minds towards common goals.  Unconditionally offering advice and support to be gratefully received.  Priceless qualities that are uniquely observed in FE, which I have again experienced in a recent kick-off meeting for Advanced Practitioners Year 3 programme via touchconsulting Ltd – everyone was open and willing to collaborate, learn from one another and support each other.

The following are post-reflections I've had as sometimes reflecting over a longer period of time allows for deeper insights.

I think age has an impact as I can't remember experiencing imposter when I was younger, circa 24-30.  That said, I feel part of imposter derives from me being perceived and talked to as a younger person by my peers.  Yes I do look younger than my years, and have a body and demeanour resembling a graduate.  You are as young as you feel, right?  But I shouldn't be viewed and communicated to in that way, especially that noticeable!

Another angle of a trigger, if I see or hear how someone articulates something that I have not thought of or could phrase/articulate better.  I start to feel that I am incapable of thinking and doing such things or generally incompetent.  But I need to remember that I am competent and can become more so at a similar level, if I am comparing to others, through prioritisation, commitment, self-resourcing and self-facilitation in a safe and comfortable environment.  I also need to remember that I am a reflector and slow learner and I learn and critically evaluate differently - usually in planned and spontaneous reflection.  I mention somewhere in this whole blog site that my thoughts are more powerful than my verbal words.

Perhaps my character/personality, pragmatism and reflective nature is not best suited to specific workplaces than working with dominating/egotistic peers.  Good for career development, however perhaps as a result I have put myself in a position of continuous comparison?  In my other roles, there was only one of me - king of my context.  In my current role there's more of us and I'm perhaps unconsciously comparing myself.  However, that is my own responsibility to recognise (not easy) and manage but not others attitudes.  Maybe there is links to to conflicts in personality that are a catalyst in this, i.e. others feeling threatened by others success and achievements.  Causing them to compete with them, but if the other person has the attitude of refusing to be beaten, then it's going to create an ongoing hostile atmosphere.

There's also the openness and willingness to being challenged intellectually.  Whilst this is good to challenge your own assumptions it can sometimes often leave you feeling like have I got it right, do I know as much as I thought I did?  Debate and critique are fine, however, how you are approached/challenged is what matters in this situation.  An experienced teacher or empathetic person for example would know how to approach this in a non-d**kish way.

To help frame a imposter threat, i.e. comparing against others, this analogy might help.  When I think about teaching a topic and the level of it.  What level would I choose and why?  I would be inclined to choose a much lower level than I am qualified up to.  A reason, I'd like to feel in a position that I know more, not for power, but feeling confident that I would be able to answer and share a wealth of experience and knowledge and it be welcomed.  And feeling a sense of worth and value as a result.  However, this also depends on the topic/course and age of learners, i.e. young or adult.

When I see some other professionals, I feel their conviction - do I have this when people see me?  I most likely do, but maybe more on the pragmatic side.  I think the key to being more convicted is in my language.  Treat myself like an adult to adult, not child to adult.  Resourcing myself for those tough situations.  Though whilst I need to express and facilitate adult to adult, I still want to remain my approachable and personable self.

Another interesting angle with imposter is that we might not fully believe in ourselves.  But we may do when taking on new opportunities...

Updating knowledge by reading and engaging with critical literature and/or supporting evidence can also help your situation.

On 3 February 2021, I shared this across my social medias (LinkedIn and Twitter):

"Recently visited by my unwelcome imposter syndrome/anxiety. Yesterday I did something out of my ordinary. As corny as you might view it, I took a deep breath and put my hand on my heart and said I love you. The warm feel-good energy and relief it gave me was liberating! We tend say this to others often but not to ourselves, despite our efforts educating and subscribing to self-love. By no means does it show weakness, but strength in responding to your inner needs. As a teacher, I'll continue to look inwards and use my vulnerabilities as a source of wisdom and to inspire and encourage others.

...While I remember, this is the practice that inspired me a few days before"

Through the belief of self-love, kindness and patience I feel that this is the most powerful approach we can take.  And it is one that I practice along with a non-judgemental attitude, i.e. talking myself out of thinking that I weren't as bad as my imposter is making out.

Early in April 2021 whilst watching RuPaul's Drag Race, a contestant made a fleeting comment about how there's no need for comparing when we are all on our own individual journeys.  That struck me hard as we need to remind ourselves that we indeed have different destiny's.  The paths we take towards it will be different from one and another's.

On 23 April 2021, I shared this on my social medias (LinkedIn and Twitter):

There are those that inhibit your potential because they feel threatened. Likewise #impostersyndrome can limit your greatness. The message is they can both be defeated. If you know the narrative of the scenes, you know. 😉


Lou Mycroft went on to share and say "So right #impostorSyndrome can be defeated! It can be easy to wear as a comfort blanket, not recognising that the actions of others (and structures) can make us feel this way. Banish #IMPOSERsyndrome ✋"

I came across a Twitter thread containing articles and links on imposter and identity related reading.

November 2021 - helpful lyrics from Adele's song 'Cry Your Heart Out' from her album 30; "When you're in doubt, go at your own pace."  Also, in the programme 'An Audience with Adele'; "To be honest, I always feel a bit of imposter syndrome with everything that I do...I think that's probably a good thing.  Imagine if I didn't think that?  I'd be horrible." 

I think I've come to conclusion on imposter that it's self-belief and love.  And am still somewhat affected by the residual under educated person I started out as.  I may do great things but sometimes I don't believe in my being for doing those great things.  Catch me on a good day...

December 2021 - I saw the following quote from Adam Grant that I find relevant to this topic:


An initial question - how do you self-assess which one you are and how do you validate this?  I consider myself still teachable and learnable - I know this as often courageously express my lack of confidence and my vulnerabilities, plus as per all of the above doubts throughout this blog post despite my successes and achievements.

March 2022, when reading Ya'acov Darling Khan'S 'Jaguar in the Body, Butterfly in the Heart: The Real-Life Initiation Of An Everyday Shaman' (p 255, 2017).  I read the following quotes that really landed with me; "Round and round I went, until I eventually found a ground of being inside myself, rooted in my body and in a sense of self that wasn't dependent on the approval of others...Trust is a validation far more real and valuable than approval."  I guess the trust has been an important part of my professional journey and I should hold onto that.  Despite doing things in a different way to the norm or the mistakes along the way, I usually deliver what I say I will and often more.  And maybe that's where the trust comes in?  I put in the effort and work required.

May 2023, as Gary said, sometimes you need a success to believe in your abilities again.


Reflection - I'm more interested in how people overcome and challenge similar things, rather than focusing on what happened.

June 2023, I find myself training my mind to not see/judge myself as bad as I might think I am, in given situations I notice I am negatively critiquing myself.  I also notice that I give myself silent affirmations; positive 'I can do's' and 'I am's' etc, and seem to work.  Resting in the comfort that what I am doing is enough.  Though sometimes if it is poor, then accept it, learn and move on.  No point on dwelling and losing sleep on it.  I also have a desire to compare myself through my current and previous self, ispative(?), which helps me to realise my personal growth.  Therefore helping me to build further confidence and competence in my self.

January 2024 - I have noticed that my imposter appears when I am speaking to highly egotistic people, who exert that they are better or know more than you.

June 2024 - However, I feel I am affected more by judgement of myself and the perception of my Yorkshire dialect/voice tone.

July 2024 - As I wrote in my blog post Voice.  "While on the outside it looks like I'm doing lots of great things, and I talk strongly about them via my blogging.  On the inside there is presence of intrinsic struggles of self-belief.  A moment of realisation came when in my appraisal on 15 July 2024 with my Head (line manager) when discussing an incoming IT system.  I talked about my views of the implementation rollout, communication and change management.  And somewhere in her response she said I am "experienced" in this.  I was taken aback as I have never used this word to describe myself (possibly in application forms?!).  And boom, I realised that yes, well I am actually.  I do know my stuff and ways, despite any criticism from others.  It's just unfortunate that I had to hear it from someone else rather than listening to myself."

February 2026 - I think simple thing to imposter syndrome, now I'm a bit older, is that in reality everyone is thinking/doubting the same thing.  Even the people that seem confident, they just might be concealing and communicating it well/differently.
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